#i banged this out super quick after having writer's block for days

[paladin-lynx]

“Can you forgive me?”

Well, since it’s just the prompt and no specific context, I’ll take it as a freebie! I’ve been wanting to write about this game since I finished it – I recommend checking it out if you can! It’s short but beautifully done.

Send me a character/ship/fandom and a prompt and I’ll write something!

Fandom: The Liar Princess and the Blind Prince

Ships: The Wolf x The Prince

Setting: Canon, post-game

SPOILERS FOR “THE LIAR PRINCESS AND THE BLIND PRINCE”!

The forest was still, as it always was when night fell. Silence fell amongst the trees, save for the occasional scurry of a critter hiding from a potential predator or the whisper of the wind through the foliage.

But as the moon – full, bright, and almost looking like it took up the entire night sky – rose to its highest point, a voice sounded. It sang what would have been a gentle melody, if the singing had actually been good. The notes were twisted – some falling flat and others almost painfully off key – and the rhythm was constantly fluctuating. But the song continued on nonetheless, weaving through the trees, reaching out to every corner of the forest and to the sleepy kingdom laying beyond it.

The wolf knew that she was no good at singing – she was hardly good at holding a conversation – but she still felt the need to carry on. Singing made her feel more at home, but she couldn’t remember why. Her memories were hazy, like someone had messily scrawled them out of her mind, but as time went on, she began to make out more and more of the more decipherable pieces.

Having the prince with her definitely helped. Of course, she hadn’t known he was a prince at first. She had thought he was just some idiotic human, daring to approach a monster such as her. But when he’d presented her with a colorful bouquet of flowers and called her ‘princess’, she’d been overwhelmed with more emotion than she thought possible. Instantly, she’d known that he knew her, but she couldn’t recall why or how in the world a human – especially one as delicate-looking as this one – would gaze at her and speak of her so fondly. But despite her doubts, she’d sat down and let him sit with her, leaning his tiny frame against her side. She’d continued singing, despite how awful it sounded, and felt warmth fill her heart when he’d applauded her as she finished.

As the nights went on, and the prince ventured out to listen to her sing, she began to remember more, bit by bit. She could tell she’d never get the full picture. Not unless the prince told her what had happened between them, because animal as she might be, she could figure out that much. But she never dared to ask, unsure of if he’d even tell her. She had a feeling, deep down, that even if they had become friends at the end, the road there had been rocky. They had fought at times. He hadn’t trusted her. She’d betrayed him and left him behind.

Had he wanted her to forget? She still didn’t know why he referred to her as ‘princess’, because even if she was highly respected – feared, more like – in this forest, she was no royal. A beast like her could never be something so important, so valued.

But the wolf had never really been a patient creature. Eventually, the frustration with not being able to remember started to make her restless. She’d done something to him, and he still sat with her as if they had been close for years. She’d say it was because he couldn’t remember whatever had happened, either, but she just knew that that wasn’t the truth. He wouldn’t have come looking for her, risking his life by venturing into the dark forest, if he had been only working off botched memories like she was.

So as they sat together tonight and the wolf finished her song, and the prince giggled and applauded as he always did despite how bad it sounded, she paused. All four of her eyes swiveled down to look at him, her jaw clenched, ears lowered nervously. He blinked up at her with those big, innocent eyes of his. He always looked at her as if she’d hung the moon and put the stars in the sky.

“What’s wrong, princess?” he asked softly. Normally, the wolf felt a pleasant shivery feeling when he called her that. Tonight, though, she felt a bit pained.

“…I’m not going to ask you to tell me everything that happened before you found me that first night,” she stated, picking her words carefully. Although she already knew there was no easy way to say what she wanted to say. “But…I’ve been remembering more and more every time you’ve come here. I remember leading you through parts of the forest. I remember collecting flowers for the moles in the caves. I remember you telling me that you didn’t have anyone to play games with before me. But…” She looked away. “…I also remember that I…did something terrible to you. I don’t remember what it was. I’m pretty convinced it may have been many things. But even with that, you continue to come all the way out here to see me every night. You praise my singing even though it’s not good. I…just don’t understand why.”

In the world of monsters, if someone crossed you, then their life was on the line. It was the rule of nature to take out weaker creatures, to kill anything that got in your way. The wolf wasn’t completely sure how things worked out in the human world, but she knew that humans definitely killed monsters, and monsters definitely killed humans. If the wolf had hurt the prince, even if he couldn’t kill her himself, why was he acting as if nothing had happened?

To her surprise, the prince smiled. “Maybe we had our troubles, but you’ve more than made up for them. You showed me that you weren’t truly a monster. You wanted to help me. You put everything on the line for me. And…you gave up more than you could ever realize for me.”

The wolf suddenly felt so small, despite towering over the tiny prince. She knew that he wouldn’t tell her what had happened unless she explicitly asked him to, and she was still afraid to know the full truth. But having an instinct that it had been bad was enough to put her on edge. And even if she couldn’t remember the details, even with his endlessly kind words, she still felt the need to raise a question:

“Can you forgive me? For everything I did to hurt you?”

His expression softened. “I forgave you long before I even came to find you again, princess.”

The title this time brought about that familiar warmth, the feeling that something that was missing was suddenly there, that she was whole instead of fractured. Her eyes welled up with tears and she carefully wrapped her long arms around the prince and embraced him, nuzzling into his fluffy hair. His little arms wrapped as best they could around her neck, holding her in return.

They stayed there like that, under the light of the moon, and the wolf began to hum as she kept the prince in her arms. And for once, she thought that maybe it didn’t sound so bad.

[jilytoberfest]

Author - @scriibble-fics

Thank you so much for taking the time to do this! Find her on ao3 and ffnet !

1. What would you say is your interesting writing quirk?

I don’t know how interesting this is (she says, getting that quick qualifier out of the way, because that’s otherwise how she’d answer legitimately every question), but I don’t plan out my fics in any sort of concrete form. When I first start writing, I typically have the beginning of an idea or trope or scene, and then things kind of blossom from there. The more I write, the clearer the direction of the fic becomes, and I keep all my notes for potential plot lines/pieces of dialogue/questions and answers in a chaotic pile at the end of the doc. I envy people who can plot things out clearly and concisely from the beginning, but I love discovering where things will go right along with readers!

2. What was one of the most surprising things you learned in creating your stories?

Honestly, it surprised the hell out of me—and still surprises me daily—that people want to read my stories. That’s not some attempt to fish for compliments or to fake modesty or something, so I hope it doesn’t come off that way! There’s just so much talent in the Harry Potter fandom generally, and in the Jily fandom specifically, that I genuinely thought I might end up with a few readers if I was lucky. To see the same people pop up with commentary with each update, and then to watch those people follow me from fic to fic, still astounds me every day.

3. Do you have any suggestions to help others become a better writer? If so, what are they?

Get out of your own head! It’s easier said than done, I know, but I put off writing Voyeur for the longest time because I was embarrassed to write something that started off, literally, with such a crazy bang. I ended up waiting until I was too exhausted from insomnia to let doubt creep into my mind, and then I sat down and wrote the entire first chapter. After that, things flowed so much easier, and now? I can’t remember the last time I wrote something that embarrassed me. It’s super freeing. Also, never delete anything! I’ve had to take away entire chapters of content before due to plotlines moving in a different direction. (This is my own fault and comes from a lack of planning for sure, but I haven’t learned my lesson!) I have a doc for each fic called “outtakes,” and I migrate everything there. I’ve been able to recycle sentences or paragraphs or even full scenes before, and it keeps me from feeling like I “wasted” time writing something I didn’t use (although no writing is ever wasted!).

4. What do you think makes a good story?

That’s hard! There are about 3,000 possible ways I could answer this, but I’ll go with something basic: tension is key, as is a satisfying resolution to the tension. The latter is what keeps me up at night.

5. What is the first book that made you cry?

I have a very vivid memory of crying around the age of 8 or 9 because I realized that the characters in The Babysitter’s Club weren’t real and I would never meet them, so I’m going with that. I know a lot of people are like, “I was so upset when I didn’t get my Hogwarts letter at 11,” but I’d already had my own what-is-fiction-and-what-is-reality crisis, so I never went through that.

6. Does writing energize or exhaust you?

It depends on the type of writing! Academic writing? That shit is exhausting. Fiction writing? I can’t get enough of it, and it energizes me more than almost anything else.

7. Have you ever gotten reader’s block? If so, what are your tips to overcome it?

Reader’s block is a new one for me! It’s a term I’ve never heard before. Honestly, I have a hard time reading when I’m also writing, and I’m nearly always writing, so maybe I have a certain amount of chronic reader’s block? For me, it’s difficult to read Jily when I’m also writing Jily, because I’m constantly worried that I’ll end up absorbing someone else’s ideas or end up comparing my work to theirs in a demotivating way. What I’ve found works for me is reading non-Jily fics, and published work as well, when I get that hankering to read but don’t want to interrupt the flow of my own thoughts.

8. Do you think someone could be a writer if they don’t feel emotions strongly?

I think so! I write about a lot of emotions I’ve never personally felt and a lot of situations I’ve never been in. To me, writing is definitely about emotion, but imagination plays an even stronger role.

9. If you could tell your younger writing self anything, what would it be?

You’re way stronger than you think, and you need to give yourself more credit for it. I’m still working on this, tbh.

10. What was your hardest scene to write?

Nothing really comes to mind. Writing a lot of Eighteen Again was difficult personally, because the fic deals with the theme of loss throughout, and I wrote it in part to cope with my own losses. In one way, that made it an easy fic to write, but it’s also been a difficult fic to write in for that very reason.

11. What is your favorite childhood book?

I read legitimately everything I could get my hands on. Prisoner of Azkaban was probably my most-read book, because I reread it over and over again while waiting for Goblet of Fire, to the point that I could basically quote whole sections of it. We’re talking over 20 times. I was a fiend. But I also really enjoyed The Babysitter’s Club (obviously, because WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY AREN’T REAL PEOPLE), The Chronicles of Narnia, and anything by Roald Dahl.

12. How long on average does it take you to write a one shot or a chapter of a fic?

Obviously it depends on the length, but I can bang out a shitty first draft in a day or two if I’m feeling especially motivated or inspired. The editing process takes longer, because I like to give it at least a couple hard edits (for content, continuity, etc. ) and then at least a couple soft edits (for word choice, sentence structure, etc.) before I post, and I like to sit on those edits for at least 24 hours between each one, although the longer the better. Without that time in between each read, I tend to miss slippery things like typos, although I’m sure a few make it into each chapter.

13. A fic that inspires you?

The Bet by sleepinghookah / @smileyjily is my comfort fic, and the fic that inspired me to start writing my own after over a decade away from the fandom.

14. How do you edit your work?

I answered this a little above, but I’ll also add this: I highlight each sentence I change after each edit. It helps me look over those sentences in particular to make sure that the sleepy edits I do on my phone at 1 AM actually make sense, and that I don’t gloss over any repeated words / typos / whatever when I get into the flow of rereading the story again.

15. Where does inspiration come from?

…can I say insomnia? Besides that, other media, conversations with friends in and out of the fandom, and daydreaming has been where most of my ideas come from.

16. Who has been helpful for you as you write for the fandom?

Oh gosh, so many people! I’m reluctant to name names because I don’t want to miss anyone, but @tumbledfreckles was my first fanfic friend by a long shot, and she’s become an actual friend since. @relyingonoldships might just be me from another life, and you can blame/thank her encouragement for me foisting Bought upon the world, because I don’t think I would have posted it without her. She also makes me laugh out loud on the regular. @tiffanytoms can also share much of the blame/credit for Bought, since her Enemy Within sparked my interest in dark!James, and she’s another one of my fav people to talk to. @maraudersftw constantly lights up my life with positivity, and her fics are bomb. Besides being a phenomenally talented writer, @clare-with-no-i discourse makes me ~think~, y’all, and she’s hilarious. There are also like 15 other people who I owe responses to in DMs who have taken time out of their days just to offer kindness, and that’s on top of all the lovely people who share their thoughts in reviews and edits and playlists and reblogs and likes and other things. Honestly, a better question might be “who HASN’T been helpful for you as you write for the fandom?” The answer is always going to be “people who leave hateful reviews because what I write isn’t their cup of tea,” but it’s so few and far between that I really can’t complain. I love this corner of the internet.

17. What is your fav POV to write from?

I started out writing James exclusively, and so much so that I had a lot of anxiety about writing from Lily’s POV. Now that I’ve tackled her a bunch? I think I’m starting to enjoy writing from her more than James, although it’s tough! I think it depends on the scene and the fic, honestly.

18. What is a fic you would love to write but are worried you won’t be able to accomplish it/nervous it wouldn’t work out?

I have no chill, so if I have an idea, I write it. Of the fics I’ve published, I’ve been most nervous about how Voyeur and Bought would be received, but people have been overwhelmingly lovely with only a few flames here and there. I’m still sitting on my Sirius/Lily/James throuple fic, mainly because even just the idea received quite a bit of criticism in my ask box. It fostered a lot of anxiety on my part, although people have been excited about it too. Still, I’ve written it even if I haven’t worked up the nerve to publish it, mainly because I truly don’t have the chill to let an idea sit dormant in my brain.

19. Do you ever self insert in fics?

I tend to empathize with every character I can, and I’m sure there are bits of me in most of the characters I write, but I’ve never done it on purpose that I can recall.

20. What is the story you are proudest of?

Notes and Magic are my two current favs. Writing both of them just made me feel good, because they’re almost entirely fluff and pining and love and lust with very little drama or angst or sadness, so they’re the ones I reread the most.

21. Do you prefer writing canon jily or muggle au?

Canon, although canon divergent is my favorite place to frolic! I’ve never done a muggle AU, but @mppmaraudergirl muggle AUs are some of my absolute favs.

22. Did the new dark!James fic had any inspiration from James and Lily going undercover in Eighteen Again or did that plot bunny came from elsewhere?

Love this! Honestly, the connection between undercover!James and dark!James wasn’t one I consciously made when I first came up with the idea of Bought. I give credit to @tiffanytoms’ Enemy Within for the initial idea of dark!James, and then credit my academic reading and research on sex work for the rest of the plot, but I’m sure there was some cross-contamination in my brain between EA and Bought.

Thank you so much for doing this!!

[dont-you-dare-imagine]

Can I get an imagine where the reader meets lila, and even tho she knows she's a liar and manipulative she knows there might be a reason behind it and she tries to befriend lila to break down her walls and be the friend lila always needed since everyone hates her, reader gets backlash for being friends with lila. Especially from marinette but lila hold reader close since reader is the only one who believes in her and gives her a chance even after everything she has done?

A Second Chance

summary: just the request!

words: 2.2k (my longest yet!)

warnings: she/her pronouns used and female reader implied, talks of bullying, mentions of lunch and eating, marinette is kind of out of character but eh, being sad, but happy ending kind of. you’ll see what i mean. if there’s anything i missed please let me know!

^^also if you catch any spelling errors or anything like that!

a/n: i really am so sorry that it took me so long to get to this. i currently have two more requests that i’m going to try and get out by the end of the week. i did get rid of a few requests, so if what you sent in isn’t one of the next 2 works i put out, i’m super sorry. i just wanted to have a clean inbox and had to get rid of the things that i just couldn’t motivate myself to write. i really hope you guys understand. i’ve just had writers block and be super busy. anyways: i hope you guys enjoy! it’s the longest work that i’ve posted so far!

also yes i am posting this at 1:30am :)

Y/N had just moved to Paris a couple of weeks ago, and had just started settling into her new school. She didn’t really have any good friends yet, but she was starting to get more comfortable with the people in her home room class. She especially liked a girl named Marinette, and wanted to be better friends with her. She seemed super nice and they shared similar interests. Y/N was getting good grades, retaining the information, and became more confident. She was just overall happy with how things were going for her right now.

They say it isn’t truly high school without a challenge, but Y/N didn’t think that she’d have many issues at this school. Everyone around her seemed really kind, the work was fairly easy, and at first things didn’t seem super eventful. Well, aside from having super-heroes, and akumas, and a super villain, etc. But everyone told her that she’d get used to it eventually.

One day during lunch break, everyone was crowded around the front entrance of the school. Y/N wondered what everyone was doing, so she went over to the crowd to check things out. She slowly but surely maneuvered her way to the front of the crowd, and was a little surprised to see what seemed to be a normal girl. Not a celebrity or anything special, just a regular student. She hadn’t seen this girl before, so maybe not even that. Maybe she was just visiting. Then, the girl started talking to the people in the front of the crowd.

“Yes! Prince Ali asked me to come live with him in the palace. Of course, I didn’t accept. I just couldn’t leave all of my fellow students here without me!” Y/N immediately thought that this girl was delusional. She listened for a minute longer, but the girl’s story was getting super boring and repetitive. After a couple of seconds Y/N just couldn’t take it any longer, and went to lunch normally. As soon as she reached the cafeteria, she spotted Marinette at the table she usually sat at. She approached Marinette and asked if she could sit with her.

“Of course! I was actually waiting for you to show up. I know this is where you usually sit, not in like a creepy stalker way, but yeah! I figured it was a good place to wait. What took you so long?” she asked as she tilted her head, a look of confusion on her face. Y/N replied, “Oh, some girl claiming that Prince Ali wants her to live in the palace with him was rotting people’s brains with her obviously fake story near the front entrance. Seriously, how do people buy that crap? It’s like they just brainlessly listened to whatever she was saying. It’s-“

“Wait, wait, wait. did the girl have straight, brown hair, with bangs? Probably wearing orange with polka dots? Green eyes?” Marinette cut Y/N off. “Yeah, sounds accurate. Why?” Y/N questioned. Marinette rolled her eyes and appeared to be frustrated and annoyed. “Lila’s back from her ‘stress relieving vacation’ with the royal family!” Marinette said the last part in a high pitched voice, batting her eyelashes, and holding her hands together by her face, obviously mocking the girl. “Lila?” Y/N asked. “Yeah, she’s a student here. She’s in our home room actually. I swear, she can’t speak one sentence without lying. It’s a serious issue. It’s just so frustrating to see people eat up everything she says like they’ll never eat again.”

After lunch, Marinette and Y/N went back to Ms. Bustier’s classroom. They found their seats, and waited for the class to start. Suddenly, Y/N remembered that Marinette said Lila was in this class too. She didn’t see her, so maybe Marinette had gotten it wrong. She sure hoped so. From what Marinette had been saying about her, Lila didn’t seem like a nice person at all. She just seemed annoying and rude, not someone Y/N wanted to be around. Just as Y/N began to relax, thinking that Lila surely wasn’t in her class, the last group of people walked in. And guess who was in the middle of the small crowd, probably sharing more of their far fetched tales? Lila.

As soon as everyone was in their seats, Lila started talking louder so people could hear what she was saying. Everyone quieted down, as if they were eager to listen.

“Yes! Sometimes I wonder why I said no to the offer, since everything is so wonderful there! The architecture, the food, the people, the plants and animals... but then I remember how amazing you all are, and I remember why I’m needed back here in Paris!”

“Please...” Y/N said quietly to herself. “Are people really buying this crap?” She thought. She looked across the classroom to see Marinette getting visibly angry.

Y/N gestured for her to calm down, but it was too late. Mari had had it. “Lila, would you just do us all a favor and shut up?!!” Marinette raised her voice on the last part, which startled everyone a little. Even Ms. Bustier. “Alright, alright class. Settle down. We’re going to begin class now. Marinette, please don’t raise your voice again.” The teacher warned. “Yes ma’am.” Marinette responded, and then slumped in her seat. Y/N looked up at Lila, and noticed that she looked upset. Like, genuinely sad. Not “oh everyone look at me I need all the attention cause I’m sad.” She looked like she was really hurt. Y/N wondered if maybe lying isn’t all there was to Lila. Maybe she just needed someone to listen. Maybe Y/N was just too nice. But her mind was already made up. After school today, she was going to talk to Lila and see if she could get anywhere.

The bell had just rung, and everyone was gathering their things. Y/N started walking out of her last period, when she spotted Lila sitting by herself on a bench.

Y/N took a deep breath, and then slowly approached Lila. As soon as Y/N got there, Lila looked like she was ready to gather her things and get up and leave. “Wait!” Y/N called. Lila looked back and then started to put her things back down. “What do you want? I’ve kind of had a long day and I’m about ready to be done with it.” She said angrily. “I’m Y/N. I’m new here, and I’m in Ms. Bustier’s class with you. I was there when Marinette shouted at you today, and I just thought you looked upset and might need someone to talk to. I know you probably have your own friends and stuff that could listen but I just wanted to let you know that I could listen if you want me to.” She took a breath after finishing her fast-spoken, rambly sentence.

“To be completely honest, I don’t have many friends.” Lila said looking more sad and upset than angry. “You seemed pretty popular during lunch. And at the beginning of class earlier today.” Y/N said, now sitting down on the same bench as Lila. “That’s popularity for you. Those people just listen to what I have to say because everyone else does. They aren’t my friends.” Lila said, almost hurt by her own words. “Those things you were saying today, were they really true? Not to be rude, but they were a little out there.” Lila took a deep breath and then started speaking again. “They were half true. I did visit the Prince’s country, and everything really was beautiful, but the truth is I never even came in contact with the royal family.” Lila sighed, and looked at the ground. “You’re probably gonna go and tell everyone now, right? Tell them I’m just a liar? I bet you’re just like Marinette aren’t you? Little miss perfect going to snitch on someone just for wanting some attention. Well people listen to me more than they listen to you, so you better watch what you say!” She was now standing, right in front of Y/N, all up in her face. Lila started to tear up a little. Y/N noticed this, and was quick to stand up herself and put a hand on Lila’s shoulder. “I wasn’t gonna tell anyone. No need to get defensive. You seem really upset. I feel like this is about more than just what Marinette said today.”

Lila took Y/N’s hand off of her and sat back down. Y/N quickly sat on the bench too. “I’m sorry, I’m just... I don’t get a lot of attention or approval anywhere but school. It’s almost like I’m forced to come up with all of these fairytales of what I wish my life was, just so people listen for at least a few seconds. I just wanna feel liked. And I don’t get that anywhere but here. Sorry, sorry. I know you don’t wanna hear my full life story.” Lila gave a sad little laugh and took a breath, before starting up again. “I really do need to find some friends, don’t I?” She was once again looking at the ground, but after she finished speaking she started to look up at Y/N.

“Then let’s be friends. On one condition...” Y/N said. “You need to cut back on the lying. Especially the ones that hurt people. Marinette was telling me a little about you at lunch today, and most of what I heard wasn’t good. The things you say matter. They have power and people pay attention when you speak. You can use that power for good instead of bad.” Lila giggled a little. “You know you sounded really cheesy, right?” Y/N started laughing herself. “Just a little cheesy. Now come on, it’s getting late. They probably won’t let us stay in the building for much longer.” Lila checked her phone and saw that Y/N was right. School ended at 3pm, and it was going on 3:30. They picked up their belongings, and walked out the school. They waved goodbye, and both went home knowing that this was the start of a good friendship.

Weeks passed. Lila hadn’t spread a hurtful rumor since her initial conversation with Y/N, and things were going great with lying in general. Sure it still happened here and there, but not nearly as much as it used to. Y/N wasn’t getting along very good with Marinette nowadays, but she decided that it was for the better. Marinette had her friends, and didn’t need Y/N the way that Lila did. One day, Y/N overheard Marinette talking about Lila to a small group that consisted of Nino, Alya, and Mylene. Y/N walked over, just to see what was going on. “Hey guys! What are you talking about?” She asked, as if she hadn’t already been listening for a minute. “Oh, nothing, just your new little friend over there.” Marinette said as she rolled her eyes, and gestured towards where Lila was laughing with a small group of people. “I honestly don’t understand why you guys don’t like her. Once you get to know her, she really isn’t that bad.” Y/N defended her new friend. “Please Y/N, we all know you’re only friends with her because no one else is. Face it, she’s a bad person. All she ever does is lie, manipulate, and hurt people. You should just end it now before she hurts you too. Honestly, she-“

“You know what Marinette? Maybe Lila just genuinely didn’t know better. Have you been paying attention the passed couple of weeks? They’ve actually been trying to be kind and making friends. Maybe she hasn’t been the best in that past, but you need to grow up and move on! Seriously, what are we, 10? Look around! Just over there people are laughing and having a normal conversation with her. She isn’t lying, she isn’t being rude, she’s just laughing and having fun! Maybe if you gave her a chance, took the time to get to know her, and stopped being so closed minded, you’d see that she’s really a cool and fun and interesting person. Even when she isn’t lying! Just get over yourself already, okay?” Marinette was shocked, and a couple people nearby who had stopped to listen were shocked too. One of those people being Lila. Y/N just kind of slowly walked away, hoping that not too many people noticed.

Later in the day between class periods, Y/N was walking when all of a sudden they felt someone hug her from behind. She looked back and realized that it was Lila, and she was smiling. Y/N turned around and Lila let go, only to hug them again from the front. “What’s got you so happy?” Y/N questioned. “I heard what you said earlier. It’s really all because of you. I’ve never had a friend like you before. I’ve never had a true and real friend. Thank you so much for giving me a chance.” Lila said. There wasn’t a trace of any lie in that sentence. Lila was so grateful for Y/N, and Y/N was equally as grateful for Lila. They both needed each other so that they could discover what a true friend really is.

andddd that’s a wrap! if you made it to the end i hope you enjoyed!! requests and still open, and my writers block is completely cured, so if you send something in it should be up soon. have a lovely day!!

[julyarchives]

Don't You Hear Me Howling? || (M) || 04

Finding out you are a female Alpha sparkled some rivalry inside your pack, and resulted in you losing your best friend and your life turning upsidedown, so leaving for college was the fresh start you needed. Years later, you are about to finish your degree and suddenly this past comes back to mess with your head.

→ Pairing: Yeo One x Female Reader | Kino x Female Reader

→ Genre: Smut; A/B/O AU; Omegaverse; College AU.

→ Words:  2.8K

→ Contains: power dynamics; riding; handjob; some light hate fuck; dirty dirty smut; seriously, this chapter is almost a pwp heheh

→ A/n: We are soo sorry that it took us longer to post this chapter! This week was so rushed that we only had time to write on the weekend, and we got a little caught on a minor writer's block, but it's finally done (we literally are posting just right after we finished) and I hope we did a good job for you guys!

→ Index: 01 • 02 • 03 • 04 • 05 • 06 • 07

The next morning you woke up feeling refreshed, decided to put all the Changgu history behind you. Kino had texted you while you slept, checking on you and asking if everything went well after he left, which you quickly answered as "it was fine :)". You got up and got yourself ready to start the day. You packed his shirt in a bag and followed your day according to your schedule.

The classes went normal, except for the fact that you were self-conscious about the possibility of any bruises slipping out the collar of your shirt. Though people know you're an Alpha, they won't be surprised and will know what that was about, but still, you didn't want to draw any more attention to yourself.

At the end of the day, you decided to drop off Changgu's shirt. You knocked on the frat's door, but when no one answered you just let yourself in. You tried to call for someone, but got no answer back, so you just followed your way to his bedroom. You planned to just leave the bag on his bed and leave, but when your hand reached for the doorknob you heard voices inside.

You stopped, trying to make out the voices you heard. But even before you could you smelled what was going on. Changgu's signature scent was over the top, even more, alluring than ever and then someone else's. The giggle you heard confirmed it was a girl, she was clearly excited, borderline horny. Of course, he'd be chatting someone up when the house was empty. Part of your brain got super done with his antics, did he purposefully invite her over when the house was empty or was it a coincidence? But then the other, stubborn and stupid, part of you saw red. Yesterday he got you at the same position, somehow convincing you to fuck and he was doing the same with the girl, that was a little too willing from what you heard and smelled.

You acted before you though, opening the door with a bang, seeing them both sitting at the edge of his bed, his arm around her and her face almost into his neck, laughing prettily at him. They both stopped when they heard the door banging against the wall, your imposing angry body language making the girl coil slightly.

"I thought I smelled you, Y/N. Sorry, but I'm a little busy right now", Changgu was smirking at you, his arm tightening around the girl.

"No, you're not", you said with a huff. "She's leaving". The girl looked at you confused and immediately got up and positioned in defiance, arms crossed on her chest.

"Says who?", her eyebrow arched and a playful smile on her lips.

"Me", you said through your teeth, hands turning into a fist, body changing to attack mode as you couldn't stop the loud growl that came from your chest. It resonated loudly and Changgu got up, taking a few steps to position himself almost between you and the girl but more to the side. You saw the girl take a step back and hug herself in defense but she still didn't budge.

"Listen, you better leave", Changgu turned to her with his palms extended to her, but she only raised her eyebrows again, not believing he was making her leave.

"Either she leaves or I'll make her ", you growled again, even stronger this time, body almost trembling in anger.

The girl huffed and grabbed her bag from the floor, staring at Changgu with an outraged expression. He tried to grab her hand but she dodged, walking past you making sure to bump against your shoulder on her way out. You were turning to follow her just because of her attitude of no respect even facing imminent danger but a hand grabbed your arm roughly.

Changgu turned you around harshly and with his other hand, he closed the door. He seemed fuming but you couldn't care less. You tried to yank your arm away from his grip but he didn't let you, instead grabbing you by the shoulders and backing you against the door.

"Are you happy? Coming here to what? Fucking cockblock me?", he shouted.

"That's what you do? Spend your free time hunting around for girls to fuck?", you shoved him backward, using his moment of losing balance to shove him once more but he was quick.

"What does it matter to you?", he said, not even shouting anymore, focusing on regaining his balance and walking back so you couldn't overpower him anymore.

You froze. You didn't know. You had no idea why it bothered you so much and why it got to you so much. The feeling of betrayal and a sparkle of jealousy spurred you to see red and barge into the room. You tried to mask your confusion and your conclusion with a scowl but it was too late. Changgu smirked, watching the emotions clear on your face. Then he looked at the item on your hand, his shirt you clung to so strongly.

"Could it be that the mighty alpha is jealous ?", there was something on his voice you couldn't quite catch. It wasn't mocking he was not joking with you but he was teasing. You noticed when his eyes darkened and he took a step towards you.

"Tell yourself that, Changgu. I'm here to return your shirt, that's all", you also took a step further, meeting him halfway. "If you want her so much I can retrieve her myself", unfortunately, the sentence didn't come out as you wanted. It wasn't menacing or playful. It was laced with anger and jealousy. Just like he said.

"I can see right through you, Y/N", he closed the small space between you. "I know you wanted to be in her place right here", his hands going to your waist, "on my bed", he bit his lip, "again".

“I don’t know what you think, Changgu” you slap his hands away from you, rather strongly. “But I’m not some dumb girl that will fall for your little fuckboy act. In fact. I’m-”

Your sentence was cut short when he grabbed you and kissed you harshly. At the first moment, you cave in, kissed him back as if in a reflex, but when a second thought hit you, you instantly bit his lip. He stepped back and brought a hand to the bleeding spot where your bite hit.

“Seriously?” He chuckled “Is this how you wanna play?”

“Is that how you see this? ” You said, angrily, stepping toward him again “I’m not playing here, Changgu” you palmed your hand on his chest and pushed him, making him fall backward on the mattress “There is no game to play.”

Your heat started acting up as you felt your whole body on fire from the lust that filled the room, mixed with all the anger pent up inside you. You grabbed the hair on the back of his head and pulled, forcing him to expose his neck to you, but the hiss that came from him was not of annoyance.

“Not one you can win anyway,” you whispered, so close to his face that your lips were almost grazing his’.

You let go of him and walked away, but when you tried to open the door he stood behind you and pushed it shut, turning you around to back you up once again, his lips attacking yours. This time you wouldn’t let any part of him believe he had any control. You didn’t stop him, though you pushed him back, forcing him to switch positions, so this time you were pressing him against the way.

“I told you” You nibbled his earlobe “You cannot win” you bit on his neck, your hands holding him in place by the waist now explored inside his shirt “I will always have you my way.” you clawed his toned abs “don’t forget I’m your Alpha. You just can’t help but being just a silly little wolf to me.”

You lowered your hands, palming him through his pants, and chuckled against his skin.

“Look at you, I barely touched you and you're already so hard. You are so desperate for me that you tried to convince yourself that I’m the one running after you.”

You shoved your hand under his layers of clothes and grabbed his member in your hand, lubing it with his pre-cum and moving it languidly. You suck on the skin of his neck, trailing bruises around the area. The gasps escaping him making you feel your own wetness drip.

“I have you wrapped around my finger, and I’ll make sure you don’t forget that again.” You started speeding up your movements “But don’t you dare cum without my permission.”

“Fuck” he murmured under his breath “Fuck, y/n”

“That’s right, Changgu, I want to hear you saying my name”

He repeated, voice shaking.

“I can make you cum in your pants just like a teenager” you chuckled again, pumping his shaft with intensity as he threw his head back in pleasure, barely audible whimpers escaping his lips.

“Y/N, I’m gonna…” he stopped a split second “Can I-”

“You wanna cum?” You asked, using your other hand to grab his hair and make him look at you “Want me to make you cum all over my hands?” he bit his bottom lip and nodded. “I don’t think you deserve it yet”

“Please,” he said in a breathy moan “Please, Y/N, I need to cum”

“I like the way you beg” you sucked on the spot he was biting seconds ago, waning more moans from him

“Please, please, please” He said rapidly, desperate for his release.

You smirked, looking him in the eyes and enjoying his fucked out face, all completely at your mercy.

“Nah” you removed his hand completely from him, to which he gasped loudly in protest “You don’t get to cum until I do”

He growled in frustration, but a raise of your eyebrows was wimpy enough to get him back to his place.

“Take your shirt off” You commanded and he obliged immediately, and you sat on the edge of the bed and watched.

You let him stand there and stare at you in silence

“What will I do with you?” you wondered out loud.

You reached under your dress and took your panties off and he didn’t stray your eyes from you. You spread your legs apart and he took in a deep breath, probably smelling your arousal.

“Kneel” you simply said, and it was enough for him

He rushed in between your legs and wasted no time in licking in between your folds, humming in satisfaction. Your hand immediately grabbed his hair, guiding him to go exactly where you wanted, while the other pulled the hem of your dress up around your waist.

Changgu was desperate, hungrily sucking your clit in between his lips, and you bucked your hips.

“That’s right” you praised him, and he redirected his look at you, eyes filled with lust “Keep going.”

He licked the right spot on you and you let yourself fall backward, pulling his hair so he followed your motion, not breaking contact any second. He hooked his arms around your legs and you took the opportunity to steady him and fuck his face, chin now all smeared with your juices.

Your moans became louder and so did his hums, sending vibrations down your core, and your high hit you strongly, making your legs shake uncontrollably. You didn’t stop until you completely rode off your orgasm. When you released Changgu’s hair he stood up, eyes still not leaving you, and cleaned around his lips with the back of his hand, and you admired him lick it clean.

You stood up, then, and watched his chest rise up and down fast, the tent in his pants now more prominent than ever, and the feeling of complete satisfaction made you proud of yourself. You walked closer towards him, and he didn’t dare move. You reached to his face and grabbed his chin, unhurriedly pulling his face closer to yours. His gaze traveled from your eyes to your lips back and forth, and the smirk on your face was almost permanent.

“Okay, bye.” You walked away confidently, not bothering to look back.

You exited his room and made your way towards the exit, hearing his surprised “what” behind you.

As you were close to the front door, you heard firm steps chasing you.

He grabbed your arm just like he did before, this time you didn’t fight back, just to enjoy the desperate look on his face.

“I’m not gonna let you leave like that” He growled

You scoffed.

“I know you don’t wanna leave.”

“Try again, Changgu.” You turned around to continue your way, but he didn’t lose his grip

“I don’t want you to leave.” he pleaded, the distress in his voice so evident.

You stopped in your tracks and he let go of you. You turned back to face him and saw his smoldering eyes staring intensely at you.

“I’m listening.” you crossed your arms in front of your chest.”

“I need-” he thought his words through “Please.”

You stared him up and down quietly.

“Fine” you finally said “Sit” you motioned towards the couch with your head.

He obediently followed your instruction, and you took your time approaching him. You stood in between his legs and grazed your nail down the defined line of his abs, making your way towards his pants and hooking a finger under the elastic of his underwear. You didn’t have to say a word for him to understand your order, and lift his hips to push his pants down.

You finally straddled him, your hands cupped his face to pull him in for a kiss. He embraced you, strong arms flushing you against his chest, and moaned against your lips. You sway your hips down, feeling his cock rubbing against your swollen clit.

“Please, Y/N” He broke the kiss “I need to be inside you.”

“You’re so obedient today,” You said “I just love seeing you beg.”

“Please, Y/N” he repeated “Please, let me cum”

You laughed amusedly.

“So desperate for me, wolfie.”

You kneel up to quickly align your entrance and just sat down at once, getting him by surprise and making him moan loudly. You didn’t give him time to get used to your pussy around him, you just bounced on him at your own speed, and he couldn’t help but moan uncontrollably. He held your waist, fingers pressing harshly against your skin, and you held yourself on the back of the couch, nails slightly ripping the fabric.

“You just love this, don’t you?” You said, the grin still plastered on your face “getting fucked here so anyone that walks in can see how I make you lose your mind?”

Changgu didn’t answer, bucking his hips up instead, getting deeper inside you. His hair was all messy, skin glistening with sweat, pink swollen lips hanging open and heavenly sounds vibrating on his throat.

“I told you” you moved faster, the sound of skin hitting skin echoing in the living room “You will never forget your place again.”

He threw his head back, noises coming out of him without his control

“Y/N, I need to cum.” he pleaded “Please, I need to cum so bad”

You didn’t answer him, choosing instead to adjust your angle so you could rub your clit against his pelvis, chasing after your own release, his bare chest now rubbing against the fabric of your dress, who suddenly felt too hot.

“Hold it.” You ordered. “ Take off my dress. And don’t rip anything this time.”

He hurriedly followed your instructions and leaned towards you, capturing your nipple in between his lips and swirling his tongue around you. You were hitting your high for the second time, your walls tightening around him and moaning loudly.

“Y/N. Please, I can’t hold it anymore.” he pleaded, and you just love to see him looking like such a mess for you.

Still riding your orgasm, you nodded and he growled loudly, thrusting up faster and stronger, spilling himself inside you, making a big mess between your hips. He buried his face on your neck and you held him close, movements slowing down and noises becoming just heavy breaths until everything stopped.

He leaned back on the couch, still holding you close, and this time you buried your face on his skin, taking a deep breath and allowing yourself to get intoxicated in his scent just for a moment.

The moment ended and you got up, trying to fix yourself as good as possible, and changgu dressed up in his pants again.

“Don’t forget to clean this mess”

It was the last thing you said before turning on your heels and leaving, this time no one stopped you.

[staywritten]

A Love That Lasts│Bedtime

A Love That Lasts │Bedtime

Synopsis: You come home to find your husband putting your daughter to bed.

Genre: Parent!Au, Dad!Bang Chan, Fluff, Nonidol!Au, Oneshot, domestic fluff

Word Count: 1268

If you would like to read the entire (completed) Single parent! Bang Chan series A Love That Lasts Masterlist it’s here and on AO3

Masterlist. AO3

You yawned walking into your house in the middle of the night. You just finished up another 24hr shift at the hospital. You hated staying there overnight, but sometimes it couldn’t be helped. Your patient was recovering well after the surgery and that was all that mattered. You stretched your arms above your head, feeling your stiff back crack. You were so eager to sleep, you took a shower at work, and changed into your pajamas there. So all you had to do when you got home was make it to your bed. 

Toeing your shoes off in the foyer you made your way into the living room. Setting your overnight bag down on the coffee table you gently shook Felix awake. “Hey, thanks for watching Minseo.”

He yawned sleepily, sitting up on the couch. “Mm Hey” he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. “Channie-Hyung got home a little while ago too”

“He got back from his trip early?” You gave Felix a pat on his back. “Go sleep in the guest room, it’s late”

“You don’t gotta ask me twice” he stood up, rubbing the crook in his neck from falling asleep on the couch. “G’night” he waved before disappearing into your downstairs guest room. 

Absently you cleaned up the snacks and toys, evident of Felix and Minseo’s long night of playing. Once the living room was reorganized you padded upstairs, stopping by Minseo’s room first. 

A soft smile graced your face seeing your husband, cuddled in Minseo’s bed, his arm wrapped around her tiny frame as he read her another story sleepily. You could tell he was exhausted, but even in that state, he read the stories so animatedly. Using his different voices and grand gestures. Leaning against the door frame, you couldn’t help but watch them fondly. As he finished the book he looked down at his daughter, the little pout still on her lips, despite loving the story. 

“You want another story?” he asked, ruffling her hair. “You’re pouting, how are you feeling?”

“I’m sad” Her pout deepened looking up at him. “When’s mom coming home?”

He smiled, kissing the top of her curly hair. “I’m sorry Baby, you know she has to work. Any time she’s not here she’s saving lives. It’s very important.”

Minseo crossed her arms over her chest. “I know… But I still miss her”

“You sleep better when she’s here don’t you?”

She nodded “I don’t like when you guys aren’t home...Uncle Felix is fun too, but...I like knowing you’re here…” she huffed. “What if I have a nightmare and you’re not home?”

“Aww… Baby” Chan pulled her into his chest, hugging her tight. “I’m sorry...I’ll try to make sure at least one of us is home next time.” Working late nights was pretty normal for him, but occasionally he had to go on weekend trips, and it just so happened that this one overlapped with one of your overnight shifts. “I can’t promise that it’ll never happen again, but we’re gonna try”

“Ok… pinky promise?” she held out her pink, letting him wrap his around it and pressing their thumbs together. “I understand...I just miss Mom..”

“I miss her too…” he whispered softly. 

Watching them always warmed your heart. You loved everything about your daughter, but when you especially loved was how she was able to communicate when she was unhappy. And You know it’s because Chan always valued communication. “I’m home” you finally chimed, from the doorway. You almost broke out into a laugh at how Chan and Minseo looked at you. Their heads in perfect sync as they looked at the door. 

“You’re home!” Minseo gave you the brightest smile, her cheek dimpling. 

“I am” you grinned pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Can anyone tell me why my whole family is awake in the middle of the night?”

“I couldn’t sleep until you got home” Minseo patted the tiny bit of space in her bed. “Sit”

You laughed squeezing into a twin bed with her, it was a tight and cozy fit but the three of you managed. Was her princess styled bedframe digging into your side? Quite possibly but it worked. Minseo practically on your lap as you cuddled at her and let Chan pick another storybook. He leaned over giving you a little peck on the lips, his gaze lingering a little too long; Making you feel shy. “Welcome home” he whispered before pulling away to display the book. 

As he read the fourth storybook of the night he had to hold back his laugh when he finally looked back at the two of you seeing you both sound asleep. He quietly got out of bed and adjusted the two of you into the middle of the bed, trying not to disturb you. 

He smiled seeing Minseo hug her stuffed Kangaroo toy his parent’s bought for her. Her face buried into the plushie, while you had your arms securely around Minseo. He snapped a photo, knowing this was going to be his new background image on everything. 

Chan took a quick shower before throwing on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt. He was working on some lyrics for a client when he looked up and saw you make your way into your shared bedroom. 

You padded into the bedroom. “I woke up and you weren’t there” 

He laughed, opening the blanket, letting you crawl into bed with him. “Ah, is that where Minseo gets it from?” 

“Maybe” you mumbled sleepily. Wrapping your arms around his waist, you placed your chin on his chest. “I missed you”

“I missed you too” he pulled you in for a much deeper kiss this time. His tongue, flicking against the top of your mouth, enticing a little whimper.

Pulling away, you gazed at him with the dreamiest look on your face. “How come you didn’t tell me you got back from your trip early?”

“It just sorta happened. As soon as I could I just made it straight home and then I got wrapped up with Minseo. I was gonna text as soon as I put her to bed.” he chuckled “As you saw, It took longer than I planned”

“You’re so good to her, seriously you’re incredible” your fingers absently played with the collar of his shirt. 

“I try, I’m still learning” he grabbed your hand, placing a kiss on it. Being that this was the first time that he’s really touched you for two days. “I’d like to think I’m good to both my girls” he grabbed your chin, making you look up at him. “Aren’t I?”

“Well I’m wide awake right now, how are you gonna put me to bed?” you giggled. “You want me to grab you a storybook?” 

“I have a few other ideas” he laughed, rolling you onto your back and pinning you to the bed with his hips. The tiniest of growls, echoed from his throat as he nipped at your lower lip. That playful glint in his eyes turning into something much more mischievous. “You’re gonna have to be very quiet for me Baby…” he whispered huskily, his strong hand caressing your cheek before spanning gently over your neck. He winked before disappearing under the blanket. 

End. 

Thank you all for being so patient with me, I’ve had like the opposite of writer’s block lately and I’ve had a ton of ideas. But because of that, I’ve been writing a bunch of stories and not finishing any of them lol so I’m super happy I was able to pump out this fluffy, domestic chapter..

Series Masterlist

Masterlist 

Edit: I forgot my tag list when I posted lol

∘Tags List:

@cobbiebaexqueen @minnieskz  @em0cleo  @chwrryeols​ @binki-g @mythicalamphitrite @skzsprinkles @tophuphu @hugs4chan @channieboyo @tonfilm @soobinssmile

[11thstreetgirl]

Can we get a sweet but naughty razzle imagine during quarantine?

Ahh I’m so sorry this took so long!! I’ve been having a serious writer’s block buuut I managed to come up with something! It’s not really a imagine but more like a short bit of a story but I hope this will do! xx

- No bloody fucking way I’m gonna stay inside for that long!

- Razzle! Razzle for fuck’s sake stop shouting!

- Noo NOOo way in HELL!

- RAZZLE STOP SHOUTING YOU IDIOT! There’s absolutely nothing we can do. It’s not safe outside, you understand you fucktard?

It would probably had been safer to stay out of there considering the yelling but I felt like if I didn’t interrupt Razzle and Seppo they might just well kill each other. I poked my head in the room just to be sure I was safe to enter. Razzle sat on the bed, arms crossed over his chest and pouting. Seppo  stood next to him, holding his head in defeat.

- Is everything okay?

- NO! Did you hear we have to stay inside for God knows how long!

I studied the scene to get a hold of what had happened. I knew this was about the lockdown, that much was clear. Razzle was clearly upset. Well, everyone was upset and stressed about having to stay inside for so long but at the moment Razzle seemed to be the only one lashing out. This wasn’t like him at all. Not once had I seen him like this while I had been living with the band. Seppo was clearly doing a lousy job of calming him down so I thought it would be better to get him out of the room for a moment.

- Seppo can you leave us for a minute?

He nodded and left the room. I sat next to Razzle.

- Hey. Are you okay?

Razzle sat in silence, his hair dangling in front of his face. I would’ve never guessed he’d be the one to crumble over this, but then again everyone was showing new sides of themselves in this odd situation. I couldn’t say I was handling it the best way possible, but it seemed that right now I needed to push my own feelings of discomfort aside to be there for Razzle. Only that he clearly didn’t want ot discuss the matter since he said nothing.

- What is it that’s stressing you the most about this? I tried another way.

- I don’t know! I guess… I guess I’ll just miss everyone. I already miss everyone. And bars.

I chuckled. Of course. Well now that he said it it wasn’t so hard to see; all his energy confined into such a small space, no wonder his initial reaction was to panic. He was after all a super social person.

I reached for his hand and took it into mine. Razzle flinched a little and turned his head to face me. His expression was blank and somewhat lost.

- I know. At least you’ve got us!

- Well Seppo and you and Nasty aren’t exactly a party but I’ll take what I can get, he muttered with amusement in his voice. Then his face turned serious again.

- But I don’t even have my drum kit here!

- Practice on pillows or something! I grinned at him and wanted to laugh at his stupified expression. He looked like a kid who’s ice cream had been stolen by a seagull.

- Pillows! You can’t be serious! They only make a boring thud-sound not a real bang!

- Well I’m not gonna let you hit the pots and pans in the kitchen so pillows are the only thing you can bang for a while!

I realised my mistake as soon as it had left my lips. The ice cream eating kid disappeared from Razzle’s face and slowly turned into the most mischievous smirk I had ever seen. Sweet lord how could have I forgot not to give this man any reason for dirty thoughts or puns. He had very openly tried to get me to bed with him for ages but to me it seemed like a bad idea. I was afraid it would change the chemistry in the house and in the band if one of them was hooking up with a mutual friend. Not that I didn’t want to. I hadn’t even had time to think about the fact that being in such a small space with him for such a long time would most likely lead to me letting down my guard and, fast forward the part where Razzle would get it, us banging like animals day in and day out, probably driving Seppo and Nasty to insanity. Was it a good idea? Hell no. Was it probably gonna happen? Hell yes. I didn’t know whether to go to dig myself an early grave or rip my clothes off right here and now.

- But I do have you here!

I rolled my eyes at him and dropped his hand back into his lap. I wanted to make a dramatic exit just to make it clear to him and myself that no such thing was going to happen and to calm my thundering heart but he grabbed my wrist and pulled me back. Knowing him the playful look on his face probably wasn’t him joking. I had to swallow hard.

- I expect that now that I don’t have any other means to exercise you are willing to help me?

I couldn’t believe this man. I tried to get up again.

- Oh come on! Let’s have some fun!

I squinted at him. His smirk didn’t even move.

- I know you want to…

- Well you might not be entirely wrong but that doesn’t mean that we should!

His eyes widened and he threw his hands up in the air in victory. I just shook my head.

- See! I knew you want to have sex with me!

I rolled my eyes at him. I couldn’t believe I was having this conversation with Razzle. Well, at least he was no longer so upset.

- Tell me one good reason why I should have sex with you?

- Uhhh… because you’re cute, because you’re here, because you’re sassy and kinda irresistible and did I mention cute? He listed, raising a finger for each reason. His eyes beamed from under his bangs and the stupid grin was still on his face. I tried to hide my smile because, frankly he was being adorable.

- Those sound more like reasons for you to have sex with me!

- Oh. Well all I can say is that I’m pretty good at it!

I couldn’t hold my laughter any longer. This whole situation was way too absurd. Laughter erupted from my insides and startled Razzle. I tried to stop myself from hollering but Razzle’s face didn’t help any, and his expression was getting more victorious by minute.

- At least you find me funny! See! There’s a reason for you!

He just had to keep going at it! I laughed so hard I had to lay down on the bed. Maybe this was me reacting to the stress. Or maybe I was just losing it. I laughed so hard I had clutched to my stomach and Razzle started to look worried, taking a hold of my arms and pulling them from covering my face.

- Are you okay? He asked amusement in his voice. I was still choking on my laughter so I just tried to nod. Clearly Razzle didn’t believe me as he bended down to study my face closer. I calmed down enough to open my eyes, to see Razzle’s amused face just inches away from mine. There was no way he had not already a plan in mind since we were this close to each other. I wanted to roll my eyes at him but his eyes were way too mesmerizing and his lips way too close. On top of that he was grinning like an idiot.

- Why do I even try to resist this any longer, I murmured and closed the tiny space still between our lips.

It was gentle at first, a little awkward, like he wasn’t sure this was happening. Neither was I. But that moment didn’t last for long when he clearly realised he got what he wanted and started to kiss me like there was no tomorrow. He pushed more of his weight onto me, supporting himself on his hands on both sides of my head. I felt like I was hovering above us, not really experiencing all this, just observing, but at the same time I felt his hot lips painfully real on mine. In an instant it came so clear to me, how much I wanted this man. So much it was ridiculous. I pushed my hands into his wild hair, pulling and tugging and drawing sweet sounds out of him. His hand grabbed my neck for a second, then moved lower to caress my shoulder and arm. Slowly, excruciatingly slowly it moved from there towards my chest. He gently fondled my breast and I left out an unwilling moan.

- Do you wanna do the do right now? I sure as hell wouldn’t mind, Razzle panted as he kissed down my jaw. He sucked gently at the sweet spot under my ear that made me sigh in pleasure.

- Geez you’re such a romantic. Do the do… I hoped his brain still worked well enough to get the sarcasm. He got up enough to look me in the eyes. Suddenly his face was serious. Full of lust but serious.

- I really want to make love to you. Do you want me to? He asked, staring deep into my eyes, luring me to give into him.

- Yes, I do.

Hot lust filled my veins and I was beyond caring now. Let Seppo hear, let Nasty hear, I just wanted this man right now.

He crushed his lips back on mine into a blistering kiss. There was no doubt now what was his intention. He pushed his hips against mine and I just couldn’t wait a moment longer. I grabbed his hair and pushed his head downwards. He grabbed the hem of my shirt and pulled it up to give a quick kiss to my stomach. I felt his smile against my skin. I wanted to moan and pant at the feeling of his lips against my skin but I tired to stay quiet for the sake of the others. Razzle unbuttoned my pants and hurriedly pulled them down, kissing every bit of skin that was revealed. I wanted to push his head down further.

As he got to the hem of my panties me looked up at me with a question in his eyes. Yes yes yes. All I had to do was give a little nod and a tug to his hair and he buried his face between my legs. Kissing gently with the fabric of the panties in the way he was teasing me. Slowly he foisted one of his fingers under the elastic band of my panties, moving them aside...

There was a knock on the door. Razzle lifted his head enough to yell:

- Seppo whatever you do DO NOT open the door ya hear me!!

There was a snort from the other side of the door.

- For fuck’s sake, you two!

// taglist: @thespacecowboyyy @holyjunkie

[mrs-maximoff-barnes-smith]

Peter Tingle part 2

Author’s Note: i finally did it! after weeks of writer’s block and quite a bit of caffeine the second part is here. coincidentally it is Spider-Man Day hehe so that’s cool. honestly this is just a little over a thousand words of soft content. i hope you enjoy! part 1 here

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Warnings: i think there might be one swear word?

***

    It was nearly noon when (Y/n) woke up. Normally she wouldn’t sleep in but her emotions had kept her up most of the night. Thoughts kept running through her head about how stupid she had been. A note, seriously? She was filled with worry. He probably thinks I’m crazy or whatever now. Damn it! (Y/n) groaned and turned over in her bed. She looked at the clock on her nightstand and dragged herself out of the comfy shelter of blankets.

     With a stretch and a yawn (Y/n) made her way to the bathroom connected to her room. She looked at her face in the mirror, stuck her tongue out, then decided to brush her teeth. While she was brushing her teeth (Y/n) reached out and grabbed her phone off the counter to check it. She scrolled through the little list of notifications on her lockscreen and paused mid-brush to reread her earliest text: We need to talk. Those four words made (Y/n)’s heart stop. She couldn’t tell if it was good or bad, it just sounded so urgent and demanding.

     After finishing brushing her teeth, banging her head on the wall a few times, then pacing around her room for about five minutes (Y/n) decided to respond. She chose to be nonchalant with her words.

What’s up?

     (Y/n) began to wonder when he would even see it. What if he’s asleep right now? You can’t just wake him up like that! (Y/n) quickly googled the time zone difference between the East Coast and Italy. Thankfully it was about six hours which meant Peter would likely see it whenever he and his classmates finished dinner. (Y/n) attempted to take her mind off of his impending reply by making some lunch. There was leftover pizza in the fridge calling her name so she popped it in the microwave for a moment, then planted herself onto the couch in front of the TV and pulled up Netflix. Every few minutes or so (Y/n) would check to see any new notifications from a specific spidey-being. Nothing new appeared on her screen except for a request to take out the trash and wash the dishes. 

     To pass the time, (Y/n) actually did the chores asked of her right away. She looked at the clock on the stove and saw it was a quarter to two. Maybe he’s having a late dinner? Or maybe he decided he never wants to talk to your weird ass again. She was getting anxious and she hated it. A brief ping came from her phone a minute later and she rushed to grab it.

Are you busy right now?

Nope, everything okay..?

Could I maybe call you?

     (Y/n) chewed on her lip, hesitating. Why did such a simple question make her so nervous? Peter and (Y/n) had called each other multiple times before, why was this different? Because this time he knows you like him, idiot. A bubble with three dots appeared on (Y/n)’s screen telling her he was typing something new.

Minnie?

     That six letter name made (Y/n) crack a smile. It had been a few years since he used the nickname on her, she was honestly a little surprised he remembered. Peter had only used it in the past when he got anxious and tried to lighten the mood. Memories of spending each Halloween dressed up as Mickey and Minnie Mouse all through elementary and middle school flooded (Y/n)’s mind. 

Yes Mickey? Lol

Way to make a guy get nervous in less than a minute

Oops?

     Peter sent back an emoji with squinty eyes and a frown but (Y/n) knew he was grinning on the other end.

To answer your question, yes you can call me, dork

     (Y/n)’s phone instantaneously lit up with a picture of Peter cross-eyed, letting her know he wanted to FaceTime. She swiped right with little green button and met his face, this time without any eyes crossed, and she smiled. “So, miss me already?” Peter laughed and nodded, “Well yeah, there’s that.” (Y/n) grinned and scrunched up her nose. Peter’s laughter died down and he scratched the back of his head. (Y/n) crossed her arms across herself and started fiddling with the sleeve of her shirt. “So… you said we needed to talk?” Peter’s eyes met hers then shifted to the ground and back to (Y/n)’s face. “Uh yeah, yes, right. We need to talk.” (Y/n) started playing with the small chain necklace she was wearing. “About?” 

     Peter’s face made an expression as if to say, seriously? “Okay sorry, stupid question.” (Y/n) gave him a tight-lipped smile and waited for him to continue. Peter visibly exhaled and closed his eyes only to open them again a moment later. (Y/n) was getting anxious, why isn’t he saying anything? It was his idea to talk. (Y/n) started to think she might have to be the one to break the ice. “So you found my note?” Peter’s head shot up. “I-I mean, I’m assuming that’s why you wanted to call me, right?” He nodded slowly while chewing on his lip. (Y/n) cleared her throat and decided to continue, “Right, well… I might as well just say it, I like you, a lot. I have for a long time, I just never said anything, obviously…” It was weird to say out loud, but it didn’t feel wrong. (Y/n) sighed and began picking at the nail polish on her fingers, waiting for Peter to say something, anything. 

      “Why?” (Y/n)’s eyes met Peter’s in an instant. “Why did you wait so long to tell me? Why’d you wait till I was in a completely different country?” (Y/n) almost thought he was mad at her, but the tiny smile growing on his face told her otherwise. She shifted on the couch trying to think of how to word her reasoning: I didn’t want to lose you as a friend, I was scared of how you’d react, I didn’t want to be a cliche. They were all lousy excuses when she thought about it. 

      “I was afraid.” That was the truth, plain and simple. (Y/n) was afraid of her heart being broken by the one person she truly trusted with it, her best friend. Peter understood the meaning behind her words and was quick to reassure her, “You didn’t need to be.” (Y/n) let out a breath she forgot she was holding. “In case you couldn’t tell, I’ve been crushing on you for forever.” Peter’s cheeks were tinged pink and he had the biggest grin on his face (Y/n) had ever seen. 

     (Y/n) smiled back with the same amount of joy. He liked her back, he actually liked her back. A sassy retort quickly slipped out of her mouth, “Oh yeah cause I have super perceptive powers to tell me who has feelings for me and who doesn’t.” They both laughed at what she said until a knock on the door was heard on Peter’s end. (Y/n) could hear Ned’s voice start going on and on about his new girlfriend Betty. What happened to being a bachelor for all the European girls? After Ned left, Peter faced his phone again and looked at you as if he were crying for help. (Y/n) just laughed in response. “I honestly don’t know how I’m gonna survive here, especially without you.” (Y/n) tilted her head in admiration and smirked. “One day at a time, that’s how.” Peter rolled his eyes. “Plus, you know I’m only one call away.” A moment passed between the two teenagers, both of them softly smiling at each other. “I miss you.” “I miss you too.” A notification appeared at the top of (Y/n)’s screen diverting her attention momentarily; it was a text from her mom asking her to be ready soon, apparently they were going out to eat. 

     “Something going on?” Peter was curious about the brief distraction. “Apparently my family is taking me out tonight.” Peter nodded and pursed his lips, “I s’pose that means you have to go then.” (Y/n) nodded with a sad smile, “I can text you when I get back if you’d like.” “I’d like that a lot. Hopefully I won’t be asleep by then, well, even if I was I’d set my ringer super loud to wake me.” Peter and (Y/n) chuckled at the idea. “By the way, before I go, what does this mean? For us.” (Y/n) didn’t want to assume anything, nothing good had ever come out of that for her before. She blushed when Peter answered, “It means when I get back, I’d like to take you out… on a date, if you’re up for it.” Pink was visible on both of their cheeks as (Y/n) eagerly nodded.

     After a few more minutes of sweet conversation, (Y/n) hung up and went to her room filled with elation and joy. Her thoughts were consumed with Peter and her impatience for him to return already. This is gonna be a long two weeks. 

[beetlejuicebigbang]

everything you could possibly need to know

there’s a lot to a big bang, and plenty of things that warrant explanation! get your popcorn, this is a decently long post. beetlebabes shippers, you are Absolutely not permitted to participate, so you can skip this post and the popcorn. or have popcorn anyway, i don’t care.

what is a big bang?

a big bang is an event over the course of a certain period of time (for this particular event, about four months) where writers write fics of at least ten thousand words (10k) and artists make some form of art to go along with it. 

ten thousand words? that’s an awful lot.

as someone who has written fifteen thousand words in one day, it’s absolutely doable. im a 3 time nanowrimo participant, and i know the ropes of oa-ing (overachieving). 

to make this absolutely clear - i know someone who can write 5k in an hour. i know people who have written 50k in three days. i know people who do 10k days consistently (im one of them!) and a lot of these people have work, school, families, some, all three. so you can absolutely do 10k in four months. 

if at any point you need to hear that yes, you can do this - im your dude. i pushed my bff, who had never written more than 2k in one day in their life, to do a 10k day. if they can do it in one day, you can do it in four months. (or all in one day! i did my heathers big bang fic that way.)

i will say this multiple times in this post, but let me make this clear: you can start writing the second you submit the signup form. the only real regulation of how fast you write is that you need to have 1k for the artist pairings by february 23rd, and that you need 10k by april 24th. 

im not trying to make you do a 10k day, the point of this is that plenty of people have done it, so you can too. if you want to do it all in one day, by all means, do it, or go slow and steady and casually finish on the 23rd of april. 

how does the event work, exactly?

*cracks knuckles* okay, this’ll take a bit, get your popcorn refill now, if you ate it all during writer encouragement hour.

all signups open on december 1st. all signups run until february 3rd 

you can sign up for more than one thing! i myself will sign up to be just a writer and will end up doing art no matter what, you can sign up as a writer and a beta, an artist and a beta, a writer and an artist, or all three. go nuts! (within reason)

everyone will get both an email and tumblr message after they sign up, so you’ll know if it went through or if your internet sucks.

once writers submit their signup form, go right ahead and start writing!... or don’t! but you’re going to need 1k worth of whatever fic you’re doing done by february 23rd. on the 16th, writer check-in 1 will occur, making sure you’re at least ready-ish for the 1k submission and the next thing - pairings!

writers will fill out a form giving a working title for their fic, a summary, pairings, warnings, ships (again, no beetlebabes), tags, etc. this form is due by the 26th! im known to be relaxed-ish with dates/deadlines, and the next part doesn’t happen until the 28th in the event someone needs a bit more time. but do your best to have it done by the 26th!

on the 28th, a post will magically appear for artists to claim fics! this will have all the information the writers just submitted, with a magical number attached to it.

artists will then fill out a form where they will select their top 3 choices for fics to art for, which is due by the march 2nd. 

on the 6th, everyone will get a fancy message (an email and a tumblr message, to make sure you don’t loose the information!) telling them who they’re paired with! once that happens, writers, please send your artists a hello and a google doc/some sort of magical link leading to the 1k (or more) that you have done so far, so they’ve got something to work with!

while all of this is going on, the one and only beta check-in will occur february 23rd, and will be due by midnight on the 24th. this is to make sure anyone who signed up awhile ago is still there there will be a handy dandy post with the usernames of beta readers going up feburary 27th, and writers can refer to that if they’d like a beta, simple as that!

once that’s done, y’all are free range chickens, other than check-ins. artist check-in 1 is march 13th (this is mostly to make sure you’ve all gotten in touch with your writers). writer check-in 2 is march 20th, and you’ll need to show that you have about 50% of your fic done at that point.

the penultimate writer and artist check-in is on april 5th. this is when shit gets serious, because posting week is in two weeks and some change. this is also when i will begin freaking out and having to take over for people who have dropped out. 

on april 10th, there will be the handy dandy posting day form! basically a super quick form where you can select the date between april 24th-may 1st that will work best for you and your partner. if after you submit your form you find out you need an extension, don’t worry, just contact me!

the !!!!!final check-in!!!! is april 19th. if you are not done yet, **this is crunch time!** you will have at least 7 days before you post, maybe a little more, but this is when it gets extra serious if you’re not ready. now’s a good time to check in with your partner that you ghosted a month ago and make sure they’re all good. if not... good luck. (jk jk, just contact me to get an extension.)

POSTING WEEK is april 24th-may 1st. you’ll be assigned a posting date by april 12th, so you’ll have plenty of time to request an extension, or ghost me and force me to send you messages like a clingy ex-boyfriend, begging you to come back to me. this is also the time where i will *really* freak out.

and then you’re done! woo!! much accomplishment!!! now i will go take a stress nap for seventeen hours and get drunk off sweet tea. 

ill be sending messages & emails about every single check-in and deadline every step of the day, and there will also be reminders in the discord server.

TL;DR for people who skipped that giant block of text: just read the

[mobius-prime]

107. Knuckles the Echidna #16

Reunions

Writer: Ken Penders Pencils: Manny Galan Colors: Barry Grossman

So this one's a bit different from the other three-part arcs we've encountered in this comic so far. Instead of one arc spanning three issues, right now we're getting a standalone issue, followed by a two-part arc. Despite this, this issue does tie into the next two quite a bit, setting the stage for future stories and conflicts with lots and lots of talking. I know I've touched on this before but I have to say it again - while I do actually find the plot of this issue very interesting personally, I'm also cognizant of the fact that this was supposed to be a comic aimed at kids and young teens, a demographic that tends to enjoy humor, fast-paced action sequences, and a protagonist filled with 90's cool-guy sass. An issue that spends most of its time talking about family history, politics, and social issues, is not going to be as interesting to that demographic. This is ultimately Kenders' biggest problem, the fact that he's clearly very invested in his characters, family trees, and worldbuilding, but invests himself in it to a degree that it's no longer a kids' comic. I mean, sure, there was never anything wrong with taking the comic in a more serious direction, and in fact I will always argue that the comic benefited greatly from it as the slapstick humor got old quick, but I do think the seriousness should be focused more in areas of, say, dire threats to the heroes' world, characters' changing alliances and such, not the politidrama tone that Kenders shifts more and more into the longer this sister series goes on. Thus, while I am very fascinated by the plots and the talking and everything that Penders brings to the table here, I can also set aside my own preferences and recognize that this is probably not the place for it all.

But enough of that, onto the story! Knuckles has just returned home from his adventures and arrived at his mother's apartment, when Lara-Le herself arrives after attending church alone, because… sure? I dunno, I don't get the feeling that Auroriums have like, organized services, they seem more like a place where someone goes to pray alone quietly. She's delighted to see her son back home safe, and Wynmacher offers her some milk in a wine glass, which is honestly such a mood.

While she asks her son for details on how his trip went, we see an aircraft approach the Floating Island and dock in a hidden hangar. It turns out to be flown by one Grandfather Tobor, one of the many Guardians still alive and kicking. More show up to greet him, and while they prepare for their meeting we go back to Knuckles and Lara-Le's conversation. Understandably, Lara-Le is kind of incredulous at Knuckles' claim about arriving home after creating a golden energy tunnel, but Knuckles was hoping she might actually have some answers. And thus, she launches into the tale of his birth, back when she and Locke were still happily married. Apparently, it usually takes three days between the mother echidna birthing the egg, and the egg actually hatching, but Locke took the egg from her right after birth in the hospital, and a day later, Knuckles had come into the world. At first, everything seemed normal, until Knuckles started spelling out "SEGA STUD" with his baby blocks and generally didn't act like a toddler, being far too intelligent. Locke leapt on this opportunity, of course, and started putting him through rigorous education, even teaching him Einstein's Theory of Relativity despite Einstein not being even slightly relevant to the echidnas' society! Truly remarkable, I must say!

As one might expect, Lara-Le was feeling very put out that she had no real say in the upbringing of her son, so she went to Knuckles' grandmother Jenna-Lu, Locke's mother, to get some advice. Jenna-Lu bafflingly informed her that relationships shouldn't bother with silly notions like "equality" or "fairness," and told her to essentially just let Locke do his thing and passively act as a good example of moral behavior for Knuckles in the background. Lara-Le tried asking her then if she was even happy with how her own life turned out.

Look. This… I said in my own rules that I'm keeping my blog PG-13, which means I'm allowed exactly one F-bomb over the course of reviewing the preboot. I'm trying very hard not to use it up right this second. Lara-Le is a good person who was screwed royally out of a relationship with her own son because of ancient, outdated traditions that she had no say in. This poor woman. You could say that perhaps she should have expected this, because she did choose to marry Locke after all even knowing who he was and what such a thing might entail, but as we'll see, the situation isn't as clear-cut as that. I feel truly, terribly sorry for Knuckles' mother right now.

We take a bit of a break from hearing about Lara-Le's hardships in marriage and motherhood to see what the Brotherhood is up to. There's a lot of names here that we've never heard before that just get dumped on us all at once, so I'll try to summarize everyone really quick. You should already know who Locke and Sabre are. Tobor is the wrinkly, ancient brown guy with the Geordi-La-Forge-esque visor over his eyes. The purple one with crazy anime bangs is Thunderhawk, because of course that has to be his name. The one who's basically just Knuckles with a green vest and some head jewelry is Sojourner, and lastly, the black echidna with red eyes wearing some kind of weird space helmet is Spectre. Three guesses who the edgy one is here.

They start by dumping all their own personal problems onto each other, which ends up giving some very valuable insight into what exactly the surviving members of the Brotherhood do with their time. Apparently, each one just kind of watches over a certain area on the planet, making sure their little domain claims are safe and stable. Now we're getting into really creepy Illuminati territory, where this super secretive society watches over and manipulates events all around the globe from the shadows. Hilariously, Tobor, Thunderhawk and Sojourner all start ranting about how much of a nuisance Sonic and Tails have been as they traveled through each of their territories in turn, but Sabre finally shuts them up. Things have been rougher on them lately, because while Robotnik was a global terrorist and all, at the very least his ever-present threat loomed over everyone to the point that he and his regime were basically the only threats anyone ever had to deal with. Now, with Robotnik gone, a huge power vacuum has opened up, and a bunch of his old sub-bosses are warring over various bits of territory across the planet, ironically causing even more chaos than before. The various Guardians are having trouble dealing with the situation, and decide to call on the council of fire ants who were apparently just listening in from another room and chilling the entire time. Presumably these guys are kind of like a miniature Brotherhood of their own, consisting of the fire ant advisors to all the previous Guardians - Archimedes, his father Semper Fidelis (are you sensing a pretentious pattern here with the fire ants' names?), and grandfather Deo Volente.

Semper Fidelis suggests that the Brotherhood, if they simply carry on as they always have, will only ensure that echidnas become irrelevant in the grand scheme of things - but that if they instead rise up and take control, that they can "lead the echidnas and the other species on this planet into a new golden age." Gee, that doesn't sound shady and supervillainy as hell! This literally is just the Mobius Illuminati, isn't it?

Back in Lara-Le's apartment, Wynmacher has just finished cooking dinner. Knuckles is confused as to what it is, as it appears to be just a fancily-garnished mound of brown crumbly… stuff, and Wynmacher tells him it's "canard á la exquisite," which is just French for "fancy duck." Dunno why he couldn't have just told Knuckles that in the first place, but then again, they may have French-ified it precisely because we have at least one recurring character in this comic that is a duck, and they wanted to avoid any uncomfortable cannibalistic implications. As they sit down to eat, Lara-Le and Wynmacher decide to announce something special!

…well, that backfired. Honestly, I'm not sure why Knuckles is so upset here though. He's just barely getting to know his mom again after like thirteen years away from her, and he already knew, I'm assuming, that she and Locke were no longer together. Furthermore, it was obvious to anyone who looked at Lara-Le and Wynmacher for longer than two seconds that they were in a relationship. I get that remarriage to a new stepparent can be hard on a kid, and that everyone handles these things differently, but seriously, why the freakout, man?

Well, whatever the specific reason, Knuckles is upset, and as he runs out the doors of his mother's apartment building he happens to run past Julie-Su and the rest of the Chaotix (minus Charmy, of course). He ignores them as they call after him, and Vector wants to go after him, but Julie-Su heads him off.

As Julie-Su rushes off to find Knuckles, we head back to the Brotherhood. They decide to set aside Semper Fidelis' advice for the time being to focus on speaking about Knuckles, specifically the unprecedented energy tunnel power that led him home. Thunderhawk and Sojourner want to dismiss it as the Guardian version of hitting puberty, essentially, but Spectre speaks up for the first time to angrily call out Locke for "tampering with the natural order."

Well, that settles it then. It was already implied by Lara-Le that Locke may have done something to Knuckles' egg right before it hatched, but Spectre's basically confirmed it. But what did he do, exactly? We'll have to shelve that for now, as Julie-Su catches up with Knuckles sitting on a dock looking out at the water. He tries to get her to go away, but she ignores him as expected and sits next to him. Then, unexpectedly, she gives him a quick peck on the cheek. He's outraged, rubbing the kiss off his cheek like a child, but she claims she's merely returning the favor from when he tried to cheer her up after she left the Dark Legion.

Young love! Or at least, teenage crushes! Come on, Julie-Su, you know the reason why - hormones! It's no surprise that these two are being set up together - you could see it coming a mile away, back when she was first introduced. The only question now is how Penders handles a slow burn… how graceful do you suppose it'll be? High hopes, anyone? I really shouldn’t be so hard on him, given that I actually quite like this ship, but I just can’t help making fun of the guy sometimes.

[sherlock-one-shots]

Rough Times

(gif not mine)

I spent a month on this oneshot and I’m really not that happy with it, so I’m so sorry if it’s not what you wanted. I just didn’t know how to write it, but if you want something changed, message me and I’ll be happy to work it out. EVERYONE PLEASE READ:

I want to get 3 things you of the way before we begin, that EVERYONE needs to read: Firstly, I want to say that there are all sorts of depression and the point of view I write in is the form of depression that I am most familiar with. Depression and anxiety, while many people have similar symptoms, are very different for each person. Again, the point of view I'm writing in in this oneshot is the form I’m most familiar with. TWO: Honestly, listen, all of you; if you ever feel depressed, anxious, or feel like suicide is the answer: MESSAGE ME! PLEASE! Don’t worry about bothering me! I would rather you bother me and feel better about yourself or about your situation and be able to help you guys in your times of need than you not message me at all and let me go about my day while you need someone to talk to. Seriously, I am here for all of you! If you just need to vent, my inbox is open, I won’t judge you, I don’t judge, that’s not my place. Please, please, please, and please, if you need someone to talk to, no matter what, my inbox is 100% open, is a safe place, and what we say (or type, really) stays there. I don’t tell a soul. Please message me, or someone. But just know that I am here for you guys. I know about depression, I’ve been there, I know about anxiety, I’ve been there too. If you need someone, I’m here. THREE: There are some really long run-on sentences, but they’re there for a reason, and there’s a bit of a personal reason that I’ll share- I write when it hits me, and there are barely any periods or structured sentences. I write my thoughts, especially when I’m feeling down as they come to my head. This is a lot of stream of consciousness, and if you don’t like that style, I’m sorry, but I really thought it went along with the reader’s hurtle in this one shot, so I kept it like that. Writers block has hit me hard this past week/weekend, but I’m pushing through and getting this one out. I’m so sorry for the long hiatus as well, I’ll try to post more often. Warnings: depression, anxiety, mentions of self harm (I think....can’t remember tbh) and suicide.

You stared at the ceiling, the headache that’s been there for three days know pounding against your head, like someone knocking on a door, desperately trying to get in from the rain. Close enough, you thought.

It was raining, which didn’t help your mood, though you weren’t sure the sun shinning would help either. It would just make the day hot and uncomfortable. Everything now was uncomfortable. If you went out with friends it was loud and uncomfortable, if you took a hot shower, which would normally relax you, you were hot, naked, and uncomfortable. If you drank tea, the tea would just make you hot, would probably much less than satisfactory, would be a waste of good tea, and you would be uncomfortable. Nothing was going to work. Nothing. You were better off just sitting in your room, eyes on the ceilings and walls, not doing anything. Not speaking to anyone. You could feel your jaw droop down every so often, jaw and eyes completely relaxed, and you weren’t quick to fix it. It felt good not to think. However, you didn’t get to do so long. The heavy bang of the front door resonated in your head, almost like it was echoing through the flat, and you inwardly groaned. You loved our flatmates, John and Sherlock, but you knew that, now that they were home, peace and quiet was a thing of the past. Sherlock would more than likely be ranting about a case, John would be trying to calm him down or understand what he was talking about, making him angry when he couldn’t which meant he would shout and you just weren’t in a good mental state to deal with anything like that. Not now. Maybe not ever. You could tell you were depressed. Your head felt black, even though it doesn’t make sense. Black and heavy. You didn’t really know why you felt like this, it just sort of...happened, but you couldn’t shake it. You couldn’t make yourself happier and you wondered if you would be happy again. Maybe smiling because you wanted to wasn’t going to happen anymore, maybe all of your smiles would be forced forevermore. “Y/N?” You heard John call from the living room. “You home?” You groaned, getting up from the bed and walking to the living room, not really wanting to show your face but knowing that they won’t stop pestering you until you do. “Yeah, I’m here.” You said flatly, stumbling to the couch. As soon as you were close enough, you flopped down on it unceremoniously, letting your limbs fall where they did, not having the energy to move. You had been like this for two or three weeks now. John asked constantly if you were alright, and you always told him yes, but you weren’t really sure. Sherlock came through the door only a few minutes later and immediately went to his laptop, rambling to you and John about a case that he came across while he and John were out. Another murder, of course. Interesting and weird, as always. The police were stuck, no duh. There were suspects they never considered, as if the police are entirely incompetent (and in Sherlock’s eyes, they were always incompetent). It was the same things over and over with every case, and, while it was fun at first to chase murderers and help people, you were getting bored of it. You had no idea how Sherlock could keep doing it over and over again. Surely he was going to get bored eventually. Right? Or maybe he didn’t because he was much smarter than you or John and, not only did this allow your beloved boyfriend to impress and dazzle ‘mere mortals’ with his intellectual prowess, but he was in the front seat of all of these cases, while you and John were just along for the ride and it drove your crazy sometimes. He was driving you crazy, lately. Before, you loved him. You still did, to the moon and back, but, where you used to want to be in the same room with him all the time, and you wanted him to come to bed every night, and you wanted to talk to him about little things, now all you wanted was for him to stay in his corner and you to stay in yours and sometimes you wanted to talk to him, but he was talking about cases and that was starting to bore you. You wondered if maybe you were just falling out of love with him, and you tried to find ways to tell him, but you noticed you were doing that with everyone so you didn’t feel so bad. You and John were always super close, but now you rarely talked, and not because of any fault of his own. Because of your fault. You went back to your bedroom after a while, slipping by without them noticing you and you went back to bed. Recently that all you did was sleep. You got over eight hours a night, but you were still so tiered. ~*~*~*~8 Dinner. Was. Hell. Mrs. Hudson made dinner that night, staying up there to eat with you all. You ate in silence for most of the meal, but John got Mrs. Hudson started on something and she as rambling on, as usual. You tried to tune her out, but you failed. Instead, her voice was like a constant background noise. You could hear her speaking, but you couldn’t make out what she was saying. Instead, you heard the tapping of Sherlock’s spoon against his bowl every time he went to get a bite of stew and you gripped your spoon tighter, knuckles going white. John nudged your foot under the table and you snapped your head up to look at him. Mrs. Hudson didn’t notice that none of you were listening and was still talking as you and John made eye contact. “Alright?” He mouthed to you. You only mustered a nod and stared back down at your stew. Click, click. Then a slurp from someone else at the table. Then a click. Then someone shuffled. You could feel your breathing change, from slow and steady to erratic as you tried to stop the anger boiling inside of you. Click. Slurp. Shuffle. Sherlock clicked his spoon again and you turned to him slightly. “Can you stop, please?” You asked quietly, so quietly he barely heard you. “Stop what?” “Clicking your soon, it’s annoying.” He shook his head. “Y/N, it’s barely making any noise. I can’t help it, I’m not doing it on purpose.” You took a deep and shaky breath, trying not to lash out. “Well, try not to, please.” He didn’t say anything but you knew he was trying. A shuffle here and there and a slurp wasn’t so bad, you guessed. You tried to tell yourself they couldn’t help it, they were living. Mrs. Hudson had stopped, but started again when John, bless him, mentioned something he read in the paper. The shuffling, the slurping, Mrs. Hudson's constant, unnecessary chatter was almost too much. Then it happened. Click. You dropped your spoon, stew flying out as it hit the surface of the dish, sinking in. You turned to Sherlock angrily, hands curling into a fist out of rage. “PLEASE, will you please stop!” You yelled, not really knowing where all of this anger was coming from. Mrs. Hudson stopped, John slowly lowered his spoon, and Sherlock stared at you in shock as you tried to grasp what you just did. It was complete silence and you felt your muscles begin to relax and tears filled your eyes. You blinked them back, tearing your eyes from Sherlock’s and looking at your hands, red and slowly uncurling. “I’m sorry, ju-excuse me.” You jumped from the table, as if your seat was on fire and ran back to the bedroom, locking the door. And you. Lost. it. You buried your face in your pillow, crying harder than you had in ages. You were angry, confused, irritated, embarrassed and overall, you felt horrible. He couldn’t help it. He told you that, and you knew it perfectly well. You had done it in the past, you had done it some that night yourself. It wasn’t something he could help. The shuffling wasn’t something that could be helped. Mrs. Hudson was just trying to be friendly. And you went and screwed it all up. As usual. Go you. You tried calming down and taking deep breaths, but every time you tried you hyperventilated more and more. You heard a knock on the door, followed by Sherlock calling your name, but you didn’t answer. You didn’t want to get up and answer the door and you didn’t want to call back to him, partly because you couldn’t. Another knock, then silence from the other side of the door. You thought he had gone away and you leaned your head back against the headboard of the bed, still trying to breath deeply and correctly. You heard a door open and turned to see Sherlock emerging from the bathroom door. You completely forgot. “(Y/N)? What’s wrong?” He sat on the bed, keeping his distance, but his face was full of concern. You only shook your head, causing Sherlock to inch closer to you. “Don’t lie.” He said simply, placing a reassuring hand on your ankle. You wanted to pull away, but, after snapping at him earlier and knowing that he was only trying to help and didn’t really know what he was doing, you let it stay. Maybe it will bring you comfort in a second. “(Y/N), I think you’re just having an anxiety attack.” He said calmly as he could. He almost sounded like a doctor to you. He moved so that he was sitting beside you, and his hand came up to your face, cupped slightly. You pulled back, not wanting him to really touch you at all. “You need to take deep breaths, this will help. Let me help you, please.” You tried taking another deep breath but, seeing as it wasn’t working, you let Sherlock gently cup his hand over your nose and mouth as you breathed into it. “This way, you’re re-inhaling the carbon dioxide, which will help to slow your body down and allow you to breath.” He explained, sounding almost like he was reading out of a text book. Little did you know, he was searching for anything he learned about anxiety and panic attacks that was stored away in his knowledge filled brain to help you. He kept his hand there for a few moments as you tried taking more deep breaths. You could feel your body and mind relaxing as breathing came easier and easier. Exhausted, you leaned your head against Sherlock’s shoulder, putting your hand over his to make sure it stayed where it was to help you breath. A couple of more seconds, and you were breathing almost normally, but it was good enough for Sherlock to take his and back, putting it to his side, knowing that someone who is having or has recently had an anxiety attack probably doesn’t need to be crowded all that much, and they definitely need their space. You closed your eyes, lids heavy ~*~ Sherlock left the room as soon as you were asleep and under the blankets, comfortable, no doubt. John and Mrs. Hudson were still awake, sitting in the living room as if it were a waiting room, waiting on his verdict. As soon as he entered, they turned to him and he explained, in as little detail as possible, what happened. John only nodded, understanding very, very well just what had transpired, but Mrs. Hudson was full of questions. “Why didn’t she say something?” She asked, shaking her head. “I would have been quiet.” Sherlock sent her a doubtful look but John spoke up before Mrs. Hudson could see Sherlock’s glare. “She was probably trying to be polite, and in the end it was just way to much.” “Overstimulation” Sherlock blurted.  John and Mrs. Hudson looked at him. “Common in those who suffer from anxiety.” Mrs. Hudson only nodded, moving to the kitchen like a woman on a mission. “I’ll put the kettle on and take her a cuppa.” Sherlock turned and stopped her. “She’s asleep already. Best to let her rest.” Mrs. Hudson stopped, turning back to the living room before nodded. ~*~*~*~*~*~ You tried to keep your head down for the next few days after what had happened. For whatever reason, you couldn’t bring yourself to look John and Mrs. Hudson in the eye to apologize for what happened the other night. You wanted to, you didn’t mean to shout at anyone. You should have just walked away, but you weren’t thinking clearly. That hadn’t been the only thing that happened, however. Your week was full of mess-ups and complete disasters. You had been fired from your job due to cuts in their budget. They weren’t able to pay all of the people they had at the branch, and, though you poured everything you had into your work, that apparently wasn’t good enough and they let you go. Countless sleepless nights in front of your computer, even Sherlock began begging you to get some sleep. You guessed it was because you were cranky. He tried to worm his way out of that one, but you knew that was the reason. Your work still wasn’t good enough. You could have given them everything and they still would have let you go, and you had no idea why. You thought your work wasn’t too great before, you knew it as a fact, but you did your best. Your best, you thought, just was never good enough. You wondered if it had to do with your coworkers. You didn’t really click with any of them and only regularly spoke to one or two every day. You wondered if maybe you were creating an awkward work environment. You were sure you were, but you wanted to get in, work, and get out. You didn’t want to waste time talking to people when you could be working on something worth your time. However, that didn’t matter. You still just weren’t good enough. You thought you should just accept it. It was the same in school’ you tried as hard as you could but still weren’t the best. Years later, nothing’s changed. You trudged home early, hoping Mrs. Hudson wouldn’t notice and that Sherlock and John were out on a case. John was gone, he had a job interview (lucky). Sherlock, however, had nothing going on and recognized your footsteps stomping up the stairs. “You’re home early.” He said as you walked in. “Don’t remind me.” You grumbled, throwing your bag and coat on John’s chair. “Finish quickly.” “Never started.” He looked up at you, noticing your disposition and putting the pieces together. “Oh.” He nodded. “Yup.” You plopped in the chair. “They apparently had other employees with more training and experience in more areas and therefore would be of more use, but I know the employees they’re talking about and they literally do nothing. All day, they stand by the fountain and gossip while I try not to fall asleep at me desk because I pulled an all-nighter for these ungrateful as-” “Language.” You shot him a dirty look. “People.” You spat. He sighed. “Maybe this just wasn’t the job for you. You’ll find one eventually.” You rolled your eyes, exhausted. The day hadn’t even begun. “Here.” Sherlock handed a page of the newspaper. “Dozens of ‘help wanted’ ads here.” You took the page, but shoved it to the side, not wanting to look then. “Thanks.” You leaned back, closing your eyes. Later that afternoon John arrived, large smile on his face. “Dinner is on me tonight. We’re going out.” “What’s the occasion?” Mrs. Hudson wondered. His smile widened. “I got the job!” He exclaimed. Mrs. Hudson cheered and congratulated him and Sherlock managed a nice friendly pat on the back, but his eyes shifted to you. He was the only person in the room that knew. “I’m happy for you.” You said, forcing a smile. “But I think I’ll just stay here.” “What? Why?” John asked. “I just….don’t fell very well. I’ve had a long day as well, so I think I’m going to bed.” “Oh, well, let’s just postpone it then. Maybe tomorrow night?” You groaned on the inside. “No, go out and have fun, your excited, don’t let me ruin that.” You patted his shoulder then walked back to the bedroom, wanting to hurry. Sherlock walked in moments later. “Would you like me to stay with you?” He asked. You shook your head. “Have fun.” “Are you sure you want to stay?” You nodded. “Quite sure. I know I would just spoil the mood and I can’t do that to John.” “He wants you there, whether you’re the life of the party or a complete buzzkill. He thinks of you like a sister, you know.” You sighed, torn but stubborn. “I know.” Sherlock, realizing that you weren’t going to change your mind, grabbed his coat. “Just text me anytime if you change your mind.” ~*~ They had been gone for an hour or two before you left the bedroom. You hadn’t wanted to, but someone rang the doorbell and you were the only one home. They had left by the time you reached the door, but you saw an envelope on the table in the foyer addressed to you, John, and Sherlock. The envelope wasn’t formally filled out and you knew the handwriting. The rent bill. That was due. John had trouble finding a job before, and didn’t have much money. He contributed what little he could, but you and Sherlock paid for most of the rent. But now, you’ve lost your job and John won’t get paid until weeks after the rent is due, and Sherlock will be paying well over half of what he should be paying. All because you weren’t good enough. Guilt seeped in and you went back upstairs, trying to forget that the bill was there, but you couldn’t. You wouldn’t be able to pay and John would wonder why, if he ever found out, and you would have to tell him you were fired. He would figure it out eventually, you knew that, but you didn’t want it to be because you couldn’t pay your share of the rent. You would just have to spend what little money you had left very sparingly. No more going out to eat, no more going out with friends, unless you were just going to the park, or walking around town (but even then, you would mind staying home). You would be careful, and hopefully no questions would be raised. ~*~*~*~*~*~ You don’t know what compelled you to write a letter. You don’t know what compelled you to do this at all. You knew that only John would be home to read it. Since he hadn’t started his job yet and Sherlock had gone, he would be the first to find it. Him or Mrs. Hudson, and by then the problem would be solved. It wouldn’t take but a few seconds to fix it. There were several bridges in London, each on with its pros and cons. You just had to decide on which one. If it was too close to home, John might read the letter earlier than intended and he may be able to find you. If it was too far from home, he would read the letter before you got there, and would be able to send police, or someone else to stop you before you made it to the ledge. So you picked one a couple of miles from the flat, overlooking the Thames. It seemed like the perfect spot. Not many people crossed, so you weren’t going to be stopped or viewed by as many. You had your arms on the concrete railing, looking at the brown, murky water beneath you. This was, truly in your opinion, the only solution. You couldn’t find another job, you couldn’t just NOT pay your part of the rent, but you couldn’t just move out-you had nowhere to go, other than the streets, and that, for you, wasn’t an option. You would rather die… You were hellish to live with anyway, you thought. You wondered for months why John and Sherlock put up with you. John was patient and kind to everyone, not seeming to have much of a limit when he knew that someone needed help. Sherlock was just always somewhat rude and you always wrote that off as part of his character, but you wondered if it really wasn’t. Yes, you two were dating, so he couldn’t hate you THAT much, but at the same time, you wondered if he just was going along with it for your sake, or just so things don’t get awkward. You doubted everyone around you, and that was your downfall, but you couldn’t stop yourself. You took a deep breath, knowing it was now or never. You hadn’t changed your mind, but John would have read the note by now and would be trying to find something to do to stop you. And you were right. John found the note five minutes after you left and immediately grabbed his phone, dialing your number, hoping you would answer. When the phone went to voicemail, he brought the phone back down and, with deft but shaking fingers, dialed the number he knew would work. “John, hi.” Lestrade greeted. “Look, we’ve got a problem.” “Alright, well,” Greg cut him off. “I’ll be off around five, I’m on a case right now, so.” “Greg, this is serious, I’ve got a note, a...” He really honestly didn’t want to say it. He just wanted to give Greg the name of the bridge you mentioned and let that be the end of it. “A what?” “A suicide note. It’s from (Y/N).” There was silence, some shouting, then Greg’s voice. “Where is she?” John did his best as he ran down the stairs to tell him where you were, keeping his voice as calm and steady as possible. He had gone through this once, under very different circumstances, of course, but he knew the outcome and he knew the emotional toll it had on everyone involved. He did not want to go through tat again, and he certainly couldn’t imagine Sherlock attempting to deal with your death. He banged on Mrs. Hudson’s door until she opened it as he typed Sherlock’s number in next. “I need the keys to your car, Mrs. Hudson, I promise this is important, more important than anything.” She stared at him confused for a second, but, trusting him, she grabbed the keys from a table beside her door and threw them at him. He caught them with ease, putting the phone up to his ear and praying Sherlock was close enough and that he would answer his phone for once. ~*~*~*~*~*~ You wrapped your hand around the lamppost for support as you balanced yourself on the railing. Looking down, your stomach twisted in knots, but you reminded yourself that it would be over soon, so you wouldn’t have to worry. You heard police sirens and several quick, heavy footsteps approaching the bridge, and you knew they were coming for you. You turned just to make sure, but your foot slipped and you swung your arms around the post, trying to regain your balance. “(Y/N)?” You heard Lestrade yell as you turned back around to face them. He pushed his way to the front of the few police officers he brought with him. “What are you doing? Come down from there and whatever’s the matter, we’ll find a way to fix it. Alright? Let’s talk it out, but this isn’t fixing anything.” You opened your mouth slightly, going to answer, when another pair of hurried footsteps approached from the other side of the bridge, and you heard the owner yelling your name. Sherlock stopped when he saw you, clinging to the lamp post, your feet mere centimeters from the edge, your grip on the post the only thing keeping you from tumbling into the Thames. He inched forward, not wanting to seem like he was going to pull you down. He knew that if he tried, or if it seemed like that at all to you, there was a chance that you would let go and fall back. He held out a hand, open, palm facing up as he got closer. “(Y/N),” He began softly. “come down. Please.” When you didn’t budge, he moved another inch, moving to the side so that your attention was away from the police officers surrounding you and all you could see was Sherlock and Lestrade; two concerned friends. “Please.” He begged again. “Let’s talk, let’s work this out, this isn’t the answer.” You still said nothing. Just looked him dead in the eye. He sighed, knowing he was going to have keep talking. “Do you remember that night we sat in and you and I watched all of those movies-the old ones that you liked?” Greg, confused, turned to Sherlock. This was no time for reminiscing, he needed to get her down, but you responded with a nod and he knew Sherlock was getting somewhere. “And do you remember that movie-I can’t remember the name-we watched at the end of the night. You were half asleep, lying on my shoulder, but you remember it?” A nod. “The line of advice, the one we said was a bit ironic given the actor involved in the scene. That line, you know it? I can’t remember it off of the top of my head, I only watched it once.” He took a deep breath, making eye contact with you. “This is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.” He said slowly, making sure you caught every word and took it to heart. “We can work whatever’s the matter out, just give us a chance.” Greg turned as a red car pulled up at the end of the bridge and John jumped out of it, leaving it running as he ran towards them. Greg, however, knowing how fragile the moment was, held out a hand to stop him, not wanting any movement to distract you and interrupt the crucial moment. “Please.” He begged softly again. They all watching in anticipation as you slowly unwrapped your arms around the post. You wondered if you were making the right decision, but you knew that they were trying to help and you could see now how much they cared. The voice, though, in the back of your mind reminded you that they probably just didn’t want your blood on their hands. You don’t really know what made you do it. Maybe the voice was wrong, maybe it was right. But either way, your hand reached out for Sherlock’s as the traffic noise grew louder and a honk echoed loudly, and your palms never met. ~*~*~*~*~ Sherlock sat in his chair, looking towards the ground, then back to the fireplace, which he lit for you. You had fallen back into the Thames, but, since everyone knew you had fallen, they were able to jump in and find you, pulling you back to shore just in time. You were taken to the hospital, but there wasn’t much of the Thames in your lungs since you were only there a short amount of time. They wanted to keep you, just for observation, but Sherlock insisted that you needed to be home. This was where you were more comfortable. You knew this place, you knew and trusted the people here. They didn’t need to surround you with unfamiliar faces, making you feel out of place. This is where you belonged. And a threat from Mycroft Holmes sealed the deal. You would be going home that afternoon, no questions asked. Now, it was just a fight against the cold. You had woken up long enough to check out of the hospital and get home, but as soon as Sherlock lit the fire and wrapped you in a blanket, you were sleeping like a baby once again, this time on your own free will. You had, before falling asleep, curled up in his lap, almost like a child, and cried into his shoulder. You still felt awful-like the scum of the earth. But you were loved scum, you supposed, and that was better than just...scum. No, nothing was better right away, it would take time-a lot of time- and a lot of patience. You would relapse, and you would get low, but now you knew where to go and that made a difference. You knew you had at least one person to go to, that would listen, and you felt a small weight lift from your shoulders. I’m SO sorry this is over a month late. I promise I’ll start working on the other requests ASAP, I’ve just had a lot on my plate. I got busy, then I got lazy, then I got busy again and writers block and I have been close as of late. Anyway, it’s here now and I hope it’s what you wanted. If not, message me and we can work it out (and it will be fixed A LOT sooner than this got out!) Thanks! Also, an announcement coming up, so look out for that. Thanks again. Requests are CLOSED.

[alexzalben]

On New Year’s Resolutions, And Writing

Most years, I try to keep my New Year’s resolutions manageable. I’ve found that when you attempt a year-long uber-goal it becomes insurmountable after a few months (if not weeks [if not days]) and after one day falling off the wagon, you’re off for good. So usually, my resolution is super-small. In fact, I’ve had the same one for the past four to five years: no using my phone on January 1st.

That’s it. That’s the whole resolution, which, given the amount I use my phone is pretty hard, but is also very rewarding to make it all the way through (it helps to be around people who have phones, so you don’t get lost; and no, that’s not cheating).

This year is different: I’m going against my own instincts, and attempting an uber-goal:

Write for at least an hour, every day.

Due to the nature of my position at work (I’ve been moving more into managing vs. creating), general life obligations (two kids, one of whom is a three year old who needs a lot of attention), and the state of the world (I think you’re aware of this one), I’ve been finding less motivation to write.

Writing, though, makes me happy. It gives me motivation. When I’m writing, I feel sharper and more on top of everything else I’m doing in my life. But for the first time in my life, I’ve gotten so out of practice with writing that I’ve found the process of banging out words on a keyboard actually makes my brain feel like there are gears grinding. I’ve really never had a huge issue with “writer’s block” before, but I guess this is what it feels like? I’m not even joking when I say I’ve sat down to write at points last year where I get to the end of a sentence, and almost heard a click as the door to the “words” section of my brain shut.

I’ve tried a few other ways of keeping my brain fresh: crossword puzzles, Scrabble, reading as much as possible… But they don’t work the same way for me that writing does. (By the way, a quick note to clarify that I’m not saying I’m an amazing writer, or a wordsmith of any level… Just that I need writing to keep me sane).

I’ve certainly tweeted a lot, and that might be the issue: training my brain to think in 140 character bits (now 280 character) means that going longer isn’t an option.

Whatever it is, though, it’s not making me happier or a more productive person. Looking over my list of favorite pieces from the previous year (not just professionally published pieces, but ones written for my own pleasure), I had slimmer pickings than any other year in recent memory… I just didn’t create a whole lot.

So I started to think about what the best resolution was to break this funk. Initially I thought “publish something original, not for work, every day,” but that seemed like exactly the sort of resolution that was prime for breaking. Then I thought, “publish something every day,” and again, that was a recipe for just churning out crap. Finally, I settled on “write an hour, every day,” with a secret goal of publishing something new every weekday.

This is, I want to also clarify, not revelatory, or anything new for me, or even that insurmountable. There are people who write novels every November for goodness sake. But I’m having an issue, and getting back to my original point wanted to make this resolution something that didn’t just work for me, but also my family (I can’t say, “hey wife, take care of the kids from now on, I’m off writin’ like an American jerk”).

That’s why an hour a day works. And taking the publishing part off the table allows me to work on shorter pieces, as well as longer pieces… If I don’t have the pressure to output something new every day of the year, I can take a little more time to make everything good. Or at least serviceable.

The other thing I’m allowing myself to do is not worry about stats, or promotion, or anything like that. If something comes out of these pieces, great. I’ll plug the heck out of them. But it’s more about challenging myself to first get back in the rhythm of writing, and second try new formats, new voices, new ideas. I’ve been stuck in a mode for a while (and stuck in no mode for the past year). Let’s shake it up.

By the way, if you’re having any issues like this with writing, or tackling writer’s block, here’s some advice I put together to help you out (and frankly, I should really follow my own advice):

https://medium.com/@azalben/how-to-write-when-you-have-nothing-to-write-about-34a8619af807

PS: In case you’re wondering since I’m posting this on the 8th of January, yep, I’ve done an hour every day so far... It’s been rough getting going, but it feels good. And no, I haven’t published something new every day.

[decembercamiecherries]

Title: Words That Water Flowers

Total word count: 37557 -> Epilogue word count: 2730

Epilogue summary:

Yuanfen (Chinese)- a relationship by fate or destiny

I want to give a HUGE thank you lazypotatoe (aka softkillua) for making this chapter possible! I wrote most of this last night and sent it to him really late but he edited the whole thing super fast and helped me so much. Please check out his stories too because he really is such a great writer!!!

Another thank you goes out to all of the incredible artists who have made art for this fanfic!!! Seriously, I cried every time someone sent me art you guys are all wonderful and amazing and I don’t know what I did to deserve your incredible artwork <3 

….and that’s all I really have to say! It’s been an incredible journey writing this fic and I can truly say I’ve loved every second of it ^^ Thank you so much for everything and please enjoy this final segment of Words That Waters Flowers <3 

Gon jiggled his leg as he leaned against the cement wall. It was a nice day outside- one of those super nice afternoons with endless blue skies and the warm, early summer air filled with the sound of birds chirping. It was Gon’s favorite kind of day.

But he couldn’t care less about things like the weather or the birds or the sun while he was waiting outside the hospital. He felt like he’d been here forever, his jittery anticipation making him jolt every time the hospital front doors slid open. But the clock on his cell phone proved that he’d only arrived an hour ago even after checking it for the millionth time. And as much as he hated it, Gon knew he would wait forever as long as he could be there when Killua’s appointment with his brother was finally over.

Killua had told him not to come at first.

“I don’t know how long it’s going to take,” he had warned. “You’ll be bored just waiting around for me with nothing to do. Plus, it’s a school day. Won’t your aunt get mad at you for skipping?”

Gon shook his head. “That doesn’t matter. I want to be there for you, Killua. So, I will.”

Killua had flushed at that, a pretty pink blossoming across pale cheeks. The small smile that tugged at his lips told Gon that Killua was secretly happy, even if Killua would never admit it out loud. Killua was still shy when it came to stuff like that. After all, it had taken him years just to confess his feelings for Gon. And that was only after Gon had already confessed and Killua himself was on the brink of death from his Hanahaki.

Gon’s mind immediately flashed back to the horrible memory of Killua choking on marigolds last Saturday night: skin ashen, bulging blue eyes while his mouth opened and closed like a fish, desperate for oxygen that was blocked by petals of harsh reds and blinding yellows.

No.

Gon’s nails dug into his palms. He slowly exhaled and waited for the painful twist of his heart to lessen.

Killua was okay. He hadn’t died, he was fine and breathing and alive. He hadn’t gotten anywhere close to suffocation in the past few days; the only petals Killua had coughed up since their first kiss were withered and dry, nearly brown in color.

He and Gon hadn’t even done much in the past few days since their emotional confessions to make the flower shrivel up so fast. The biggest thing had been when Gon took Killua to the beach Sunday night; they had walked the boardwalk hand in hand, watching the sunset while eating ice cream. Killua’s lips tasted like chocolate chips and his fingers were sticky in the cooling air, but that was all fine and good and amazing because it was Killua.

Being with Killua like that made Gon feel like the luckiest person alive. And he knew his best friend felt the same because the marigolds in Killua’s throat were finally, finally dying. And that could only mean Killua believed Gon’s love and he loved Gon in return.

A giddy feeling bubbled up inside Gon’s chest. His face warmed and he grinned stupidly at his sneakers.

Killua loved him. Hearing that for the first time from Killua’s mouth had caused such an overwhelming rush of happiness through him that Gon had nearly cried. Even now, days later, knowing that Killua loved him made Gon want to jump for joy and yell from the top of his lungs.

It felt like a dream, dating Killua. And Gon never wanted it to end. Just looking at Killua, having the freedom and permission to reach over and press his lips to Killua’s cheek, interlock their fingers and hug the thin teen to his chest just because he could…it was better than Gon ever imagined. Gon felt like he was drunk on happiness, high on life, and it was all because of Killua.

Being in a relationship was new to both of them, but caring for each other and being best friends wasn’t. They were still Gon and Killua like they had always been, there was just more to their relationship now. Most of the changes had felt natural and easy; other details they were still working on. But they had time to figure everything out and Gon wasn’t worried about how long it would take.

The single, most important thing about the new development between them was that he and Killua were learning to love together. They were awkward and shy and hesitant, but they were finally talking everything out, growing closer through their struggles instead of running away from them and hurting each other in the process.

He and Killua were breathing instead of suffocating now, living instead of dying. They were facing the future hand in hand and Gon knew nothing would separate them after the hell they’d been through in the past couple of months.

And as long as that was true, he and Killua could do just about anything.

BANG!

Gon’s head snapped up, heart jumping into his throat.

And there was Killua, shoes pounding on the walkway as he sprinted through the hospital doors. His open jacket whipped around his waist and there was a wild look in his bright blue eyes that made Gon’s pulse start to race.

Gon leaped off the cement wall just in time for Killua to slam straight into his chest.

The air left his lungs at the impact and he stumbled back a step to keep them from falling over. He inhaled sharply even as Killua’s arms wrapped tightly around his neck. He could feel Killua’s torso heaving against his, the way he clung so close to Gon that their bodies lined up perfectly from head to toe.

He could even feel the lightning-quick pace of Killua’s heartbeat. Was that a good thing, or bad?

“Killua?” Gon asked, breathless. “Killua, are you okay? What happen-”

Cool lips shoved against his before he could finish his question. Killua’s mouth was eager, insistent. He didn’t give Gon even a second to recover from the sudden kiss; he just pressed himself harder into Gon’s body like he wanted to melt into him and never, ever separate. By the time Killua pulled back nearly a minute later, Gon’s head was dizzy from lack of oxygen and blood roared in his ears.

Not that he was complaining or anything. He would choose Killua kissing the life out of him over air any day.

When Gon slowly blinked his eyes open, the only thing he saw was the stunning blue of Killua’s eyes. They shimmered and glowed with an inner light that filled Gon with a weightless warmth.

Gon stammered out, “I’m- I’m taking that as a good sign?”

Killua threw back his head and laughed. It sounded like bells and chimes and-

“You should, Gon!” The smile he gave Gon was dazzling, stunning in the way it radiated pure joy. “Gon, Illumi, he- he examined me and looked at the flower and! And it’s almost gone.”

Gon’s jaw dropped. “You mean- it’s dead? The marigolds aren’t growing anymore?”

“Yes! Yes, yes, yes! They even brought in a second doctor for another opinion- Leorio, something- and he said that they’ll be completely out of my body within another week! And there’s no way they can perform the surgery with those results!”

Gon’s heart swelled until it felt like it was going to burst. He grabbed Killua around his middle, picking the thinner teen up effortlessly, and spun him around in a circle. His cheeks hurt with how wide he was smiling but he couldn’t care less about that when the love of his life was laughing in his arms, beaming down at Gon through the happy tears building up his eyes.

“Killua!” Gon yelled ecstatically, because Killua’s name was the only thing he could think of right now. “Killua, Killua, Killua!”

His best friend choked out, “Gon.”

“Killua!”

“Gon.”

“Killua-”

Elegant fingers grasped his face and then Killua was kissing him again, mouth sweet and soft and perfect. Killua had the height advantage but Gon kissed back as he best he could without dropping his boyfriend. Their noses bumped against each other and their teeth clacked but Gon had never tasted anything better than Killua’s laughter on his tongue. It was addicting to have Killua so close like this, to have their shared happiness buzzing in the air around them and Gon wished they could stay like this forever.

And now, after hearing that news, they could.

He slowed to a stop before gently lowering Killua back to the ground. Killua’s nails dug into the muscles on his back, refusing to let Gon move even an inch away. For a while they just tried to catch their breath while staring into each other’s eyes.

Killua’s eyes really were the prettiest Gon had ever seen- gracefully curved and piercing in their intensity. But whenever Killua looked at Gon, they shifted and melded into something too gentle to put into words. There was a depth in them, too; sometimes Gon thought he could lose himself in Killua’s endless blue gaze and never come back to himself.

Killua’s eyes were beautiful, breathtaking, just like everything else about him. And nothing made Gon happier than having that glimmering blue focused entirely on him like they were now.

“I figured it out,” Gon murmured finally, after a few moments had passed.

Killua raised an eyebrow. “Figured what out, exactly?”

“I figured out why I love you!”

Shock flitted across Killua’s expression, chasing away the previous tenderness. “Wh-what?! What the hell does that mean?!”

“I mean-” Gon giggled at the indignant look on his boyfriend’s face and squished Killua even closer to his chest to keep him from squirming away. “I mean, Killua, I’m happy when I’m with you!”

Killua’s cheeks darkened. “I, uh. I would hope so? I- I mean, ugh.” He hid behind his hands with a drawn-out groan. “Damnit, Gon. Why do you always have to be so embarrassing?”

“It’s only embarrassing because you think so, Killua!” Gon nuzzled his forehead to Killua’s warmer one. Killua’s bangs were silky where they brushed his skin. “And you don’t have to say anything! I just mean that I’m happiest when I’m with you. No one else makes me laugh or smile as much as you do. You make living more fun. Just having you by my side makes me feel lighter, somehow!”

“So that’s why I fell in love with you: because you make me happier than anyone else in the world! No one else can do that, only you.”

Killua’s ears were turning bright red by now. Gon could hear his heavy breathing behind his fingers, feel the warmth radiating off his skin at their proximity.

“You’re ridiculous,” he whispered but Gon could hear the smile through his tone alone.

“That’s okay! As long as you still want to go out with me, I’m fine with that.”

Killua sputtered. “Of course I do, stupid! I have fun with you too, you know!”

Gon paused, absorbing Killua’s words and enjoying the way his heart sped up at their meaning. He loved it when Killua was honest like that. Still, he couldn’t help from teasing him just a little bit-

“You have fun with me, huh?” he asked suggestively and his grin grew at the way Killua’s breath hitched. “Are you just saying that, or is it a promise for the future? Hmmm?”

“You!” Killua punched Gon in the shoulder. Hard. “Shut up!!! We were having a nice moment- why did you have to go and say that and make everything weird?!”

“Ah, ow- because, you’re fun to tease!”

Killua scowled. “If you keep it up, you can go find someone else to date because I’m not gonna-”

“Nooooo, Killua!” Gon dragged Killua back before he could take two steps away. “I’m sorry! You’re just so cute when you get all flustered like that!”

Killua begrudgingly looked back at Gon. Gon was gentle when he reached up to hold Killua’s face in his hands, rubbing his thumbs lightly over scarlet-stained cheeks. A few strands of Killua’s starlight hair had fallen into his eyes and Gon carefully brushed them out of the way before replacing his hands on Killua’s jaw.

Even just doing something like that made him happier than he had been in a long time. Killua made him feel…right, somehow. Whole, complete. He couldn’t fully describe the impact Killua had on him because loving Killua wasn’t something that could be captured in words. But he knew that without Killua, the world was a much colder place. And that wasn’t a world he was interested in.

“Please, stay with me?” he asked. “Your flower is gone, so, will you stay with me?”

Killua huffed and his skin warmed under Gon’s palms. “You don’t have to ask me that. You already know the answer.”

“Mmm, yeah, I guess. But it’s still nice to hear.”

He smiled cheekily and let go as Killua slumped into his chest.

“You’re so difficult,” he grumbled into Gon’s collarbone. “Yes, I’ll stay with you. As if I would ever say anything else after everything we’ve been through. I’m with you for as long as you’ll have me, Gon.”

Gon’s heart flipped. “So, forever then?”

Killua stiffened. “What?”

“You said you’ll be with me for as long as I want you. And I want you forever.”

“You- you can’t just assume something like that!” Killua squeaked.

“I’m not assuming! I just know what I want, Killua.” He wound his arms around Killua’s waist, silently loving the way Killua melted into his embrace. This, having Killua surrender to his touch and return it in even the subtlest of ways, was something Gon knew he would never get tired of.

He sighed happily and nuzzled his face into Killua’s hair. He said honestly, “I want you. Now and forever. Nothing’s ever going to change that.”

Killua let out a long, shuddering breath. “Let’s just take it one day at a time for now, okay? I mean, I just learned that I’m not dying from Hanahaki. I’m going to need to process that for a bit.”

“M’kay. I’m fine with whatever you want.” He paused and a thought occurred to him. “Hey, Killua?”

“Hm?” Killua hummed into his skin and Gon just held back a shudder; that had felt so nice, he almost lost his train of thought.

“…what made you believe me?” he asked. “When I said I loved you on Saturday? I’m just curious.”

Killua was quiet. When he leaned back, it was to look at Gon with eyes that shined like stars in the golden light of the summer sun.

“It’s not that I believed you, exactly,” Killua said slowly. “It’s kind of hard to explain, but I believed in you. I believed in your words, in your actions- everything leading up to that moment on Saturday night fit. And it’s then that I realized…”

He took a deep breath. Then Killua smiled, eyes crinkling up at the ends, and said sincerely:

“I believe in us, Gon. I wanted there could be a you and me for so long that it stopped me from seeing what was right in front of me. And after everything you said that night, I finally understood: we had been together all along, and I was just too blind to see it. Your words healed me, Gon. And I will always love you for that.”

Gon’s eyes burned and his throat tightened. Killua was gazing at him as if Gon was his everything and Gon’s heart lurched at the clear, unabashed love he saw there. Every part of Gon’s body ached with the need to be with his best friend, the person he loved more than anything in the entire world, the person who loved him back with just as much adoration as Gon had for him.

He cupped Killua’s face and kissed him. He kissed Killua like it was the first time, like it was the last time, like kissing Killua meant he could save him from himself, even though it already had.

He kissed Killua, and Killua came to life under his touch.

“‘I believe in you.’ Words that water flowers.”

-Michael Faudet